PURE HEROINE II 13 REASONS WHY

to our friend and brother

"Scott, finally", I exclaim through the telephone and let my bag drop as I'm about to leave the gym when he calls me, "You haven't texted me in ages." "Yeah, sorry about that", he quickly apologizes and I know he's scratching his neck on the other side of the country, "How are you doing?" "Fine. I mean school is busy and Diego is planning something with the team but I'm doing good, and you?" 

"Are you sure, Ellie? It's about Monty", Scott goes on without answering my question at all. "What happened, happened. It's fine. What's the reason for your call?", I ask instead as he hasn't called me in three weeks. We've never talked about Monty so I don't need to talk to Scott about it right now. "Listen, I.. I know I promised you to come back soon and to go to the dance with you, but I can't make it."

"Oh", I mutter nodding, "Why?" "I'm just busy here and I don't have the time to come back for a weekend." "Will I see you another time then?", I ask instead disappointed by the fact that he didn't come up with another suggestion. "I don't know yet. I also have to get ready for practice, sorry", Scott says quickly once again and hangs up before I can say goodbye. What the hell was that?

"I still don't get why Scott ditched me", I sigh walking through the supermarket with Jeff the day after the dance, "It'd be more helpful if he had just completely broken up with me. This way, I would know what he thinks but now I've got no idea what's going on." "It's Scotty. He was probably busy with practice and school. I'm sure he'll let you know when he comes back for a weekend." 

"Yeah, I hope so", I mutter knowing that I actually don't like talking to Jeff about it. Thinking about how I felt last evening, I don't notice someone walking my way and bump into him. "I'm sorry", I quickly apologize and stand back up just to face Scott Reed, "Scott?" "Scott, what are you doing here?", Jeff asks just as confused as I am. 

"I.. my mom wanted to see me." That's it? No ‚hello', no ‚good to see you'? No ‚sorry for lying to you'? "It's good to see that you managed to have time for her", I mumble not being in the mood to stay calm. "Ellie, let me-" "There you are, Scotty. Do we have everything? Are we ready to fly back?", a blonde tall girl approaches us. She's got a beautiful smile. I can see why he likes her. 

"Are you guys friends? Hi, I'm Amber." Amber.. Amber and Scott. Scott and Amber. No, it just doesn't sound good. I stare at her hand that she reaches out for us but I ignore her just to look at Scott unbelievingly. "You're lucky Monty's dead, because he would have killed you", I just snap at him and drag Jeff with me out of the supermarket so he wouldn't pick up a fight.

"Ellie-" "I don't want to talk about it", I interrupt Jeff. „You never want to talk about it anymore", he complains and I understand him. I just won't change how I deal with everything. "You don't want me to take drugs no more so I have to deal with my best friends and my grandpa being dead sober and that's how I deal with it so don't complain about it."

"St. George, Lennox and Atkins", Luke greets us as he sees us arriving at the party which is also meant to be for Monty, "Good to see you." "Are you already drunk?", Charlie asks Luke laughing and Luke nods. "Well, you're not drunk enough", Luke replies, „Hey, today we'll get you a chick. How about Lennox." "No, I don't think so, bro", Jeff chuckles patting Luke's shoulder before we get into the house.

"What's going on between you and Clay?", I ask Justin worriedly after seeing them fighting. "He's stressed out because of everything that's happened and confused why I'm just working on my future." "I'm really proud of you, J. You're doing so great." "I wouldn't be here if you hadn't helped me twelve years ago." 

"You're here because you deserve to be here. You deserve everything that's happening to you right now", I say softly and Justin smiles at me. "I'm glad that no matter what happened, we always have each other." "Me too", I nod. "Do you think about Bryce sometimes?", he finally asks as I know that he was thinking about this question all the time. "Do you?" 

Justin looks to the ground. "I can't even mention their names. Bryce and I just started being friends again and Monty wanted to change, he had a reason for it. I feel like someone teared out my heart." As tears are building up inside my eye, Justin lays his hand on mine tightly. "I know what you feel like. No matter what has happened, Bryce was my brother."

"Where's Sheri?", Jeff wonders as we're dancing with the others. "She's out with Jason. Trying to think about something else", I tell him shouting so he can hear me through the music.

"Everybody listen up", Diego says after lowering the music, "First of all, welcome to this party. I want to talk about a person now who's been so excited for this party because he wanted our senior year to be better than any before." I feel Jeff laying his arm around my waist from behind to show me his support but I give my hardest not to think about this person. 

"But sadly, he can't be with us today so we are going to pour our drinks out for him. I know that Monty wasn't liked by everyone but you probably agree that he would have deserved to spend this evening with us. Hey, Ellie, Estela, come to us. You have to be with us now." Estela gives me a look and I nod so she does the same. Diego immediately lays his arm around my shoulder. 

"To our friend and brother, Monty de la Cruz." "To Monty", everyone cheers but I stay quiet pouring out the drink. I stare at the ground trying to focus on thinking about anything but Monty.

I told the others that I would go for a walk but I sit down in a quiet corner of the garden to be alone. I need to concentrate on forgetting them so I wouldn't feel the pain no more.

"Why do you do everything to not think about me?", I hear Monty's voice and jump up as I see him sit next to me. Fuck, I shouldn't have drunk alcohol. Or am I high? What's going on? "Do you want to forget about me, everything that we've been through? Didn't I mean anything to you?" No, Monty's not here, he can't be. Monty is dead. Just ignore the voices, Els. 

"I won't leave you without getting an answer, you know. I won't believe that we're best friends for eighteen years and you just ignore me when I talk to you or forget about me when I'm dead. That's not the Ellie that I know. Why do you do this?" "Because it hurts, okay!", I shout back hoping to make the voices go away this way. 

"It hurts so much not being able to talk to you anymore. It's like not being able to breath. I would have given anything to make you stay. I would trade my life in order to talk to you but I couldn't even say goodbye." "You forgave us. That's everything we needed to know", Bryce suddenly appears to my other side and I take a step back shocked from his appearance. "No need to be scared, Ellie. It's us. We don't hurt you."