𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐤𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢 𝐜𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐨

thirty six

+*jackie*+

"you okay?" alvaro asks as we pull up to his house, nothing but pure nerves running throughout my body. "i don't know," i gulp, looking over at him with a weak smile. "you'll be fine j, it's the guys," he says, trying to comfort me.

"the guys i haven't seen or spoke to in three months without any explanation as to why," i remind him, feeling uneasy. "come on, you're fine," alvaro says, shoving me out of the car. we walk inside, and i go take a seat on the couch.

i begin to bounce my leg up and down nervously, and after a few minutes, knocks could be heard from the front door. "i feel like i'm gonna be sick," i mumble to myself, not knowing why i'm this nervous.

"wassup guys," i see alvaro smile as he opens the door, allowing the five boys to come in. they all greet eachother, before turning and heading towards the couch. the boys see me and immediately stop in their tracks, looking dumbfounded.

"jackie?" mattia says, walking over and sitting next to me on the couch. "hey tia," i say softly, a small smile on my face. he catches me by surprise when he wraps his arms around me, enfulging me in a hug. "what the fuck where have you been?" roshaun says, running over and also giving me a hug.

"we missed you bro," alejandro says, robert agreeing with him as they also come and join the group hug. "i missed you guys too," i pout, "but that's actually what i came here to talk about," i smile over at kairi, who just walks out the front door.

"don't worry, he'll get over it," robert says, placing his hand on my shoulder in a comforting way. "yeah, let me just go talk to him, i'll be right back," i tell the four boys before standing up and following kairi outside.

quietly, i open the door, not wanting him to take off when he sees me, and when i get outside, kairi is sitting on alvaro's porch, shaking his head and scrolling through his phone. i attempt to quietly shut the door, but i fail, causing him to look in my direction.

"leave me alone jackie, please," the japanese boy says, turning back around, looking away from me. "kai..." i say, feeling bad at how hurt he is, how hurt i made him feel. "it's funny you know," he speaks up, still not looking at  me.

"what is?" i ask him, taking a seat next to him, but still a good amount of distance between us. "when i imagined you finally coming around again, i thought it would be good, we'd all be happy," he confesses.

"but i cant help but feel angry, and sad, really fucking sad," he says, finally looking over at me, my heart falling at the sight of the boy in front of me. far away, he looked good, but up close his eyes were dull and he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"kairi, oh my god," i say to the boy I knew all too well, sadness eating me up inside. "what happened?" i ask him, "you left, and i lost you... again," he says, making me inch closer to him slowly.

"i lost you once, and that was my biggest regret, losing you because of vic was a mistake, and losing you to alejandro was an even bigger one," kairi says softly, looking down at the ground.

"when you guys became official, i hated it, i wanted to be him so bad, the way he was the one making you happy, and not me fucking sucked," he continued on, me giving him all my attention.

"but i pushed all my feelings aside, for the sake of your happiness, b-because i loved you, and i wanted you to be happy, even if it was with my bestfriend and not me," he says, his voice beginning to break.

"that was the first time i lost you, and then again, when you left, with no explanation, at first it was fine, i figured you wanted some alone time after the breakup with alex, but then, you never came around, and then i realized, you weren't taking a break, you were just done with us."

"that's when i lost you again, and i wanted to just hear your voice, see your face, just know that you were still alive, and i couldn't even do that because you wouldn't answer," he says, looking back up at me, his eyes filled with tears.

"kairi..." i whisper, leaning forward and wrapping my arms around him, my heart breaking as i hear a sob escape past his lips. "and because i loved you, and i wanted you to be happy, i left you alone, and i tried so hard to forget about you, and let my feelings for you go," he says, leaning his head into my neck.

"and just seeing you here today, it fucking hurt, but it also brought me happiness," he says,  pulling away from me and looking at me with a sad smile on his face. "and why's that?" I whiper, not breaking eye contact with him.

"because as soon as i saw your face and that beautiful smile of yours, i realized that my feelings for you never changed, and i still love you, with everything in me," he says, looking between my eyes and lips.

"its kinda funny, because the whole time that i wasn't talking to you, i missed you so fucking much, and after we hung out, after me and alex broke up, it scared me because my feelings for you started to come back, and i didn't know if i could put myself through that again," i utter softly.

"you could've just talked to me yunno, i would've understood," he says looking over at me. "i know, i just needed time to figure everything out," i sigh, laying my head on his shoulder. "and did you?" he asks, placing his head on top of mine. "what?" i ask, confused, but then realizing what he meant.

"yeah, i did, i figured out that i still have feelings for you," i say just above a whisper. "hm?" he asks, trying to get me to say it louder. "i said, i still have feelings for you," i tell him, seeing a smile grow on his face. a small smile growing on mine when i feel his arms wrap around me.

OKAY AHHHH THATS THE END OF THIS BOOK OMG 🥺🥺 i cant even begin to say how grateful i am for all of you and all of your sweet comments along the way. thank you all so much for everything, i love you guys. 🥺