Three Simple Words

Chapter 3

The ride home was a long and arduous journey for the pair, of who didn't really speak to one another. Both were lost in their own thoughts, Thomas of the green-eyed boy and Ariel of the blond sitting in the passenger seat. She had always been one to go after the things, or people, she sought, but with Thomas, she had no idea where she stood with him. She saw the way he looked at her brother but she also saw the way his eyes seemed to fill with want when he looked at her.

"Are you gay?" She blurted out, only slightly concerned with the repercussions that question could have.

Those three simple words have the power condemn or free a person, sometimes both and other times neither. After the question had been uttered, Thomas was deathly calm, nothing like the storm that was roaring right below the skin. How had she known? What will she do? Am I actually gay? All these thoughts swirled around his head, each cutting deeper into the persona that he had worked so hard to create. Every second of everyday he had tried to hide those feelings from his family but more importantly from himself and yet this girl he barely knew casually guessed the sin that had been eating away at him for the past 12 years.

As much as he wanted to confide in her, tell her every feeling he's had, every lustful moment, he couldn't. He wouldn't. No one deserves to bear that kind of secret but for Thomas to willingly burden Ariel with the knowledge that he will always and rightfully be condemned, he would never do that. The seconds seem to crawl by, Ariel waiting for an answer and Thomas trying to compose himself against the terror he felt. The fear that ate away at him every day was growing into something he couldn't control, something that consumed him, leaving an empty shell behind.

For 12 years he had made it his mission to hide, to adapt, to forget that he was different from other people and to convince himself that this was a phase, a childhood curiosity. When he saw Jess, let him clean his wounds, he knew that he would never outgrow this, that this was a part of him that he would have to live with the rest of his life. But what if it didn't have to be?

The thoughts started to flow rapidly; each idea crazier than the last but he knew it was possible. He could date Ariel. All those feelings of self-loathing, shame and anger could be gone once he found the right girl. He knew he could make himself feel things for her, feel the attraction that he had felt when he looked at Jess. What was stopping him from giving it a chance? It could potentially solve everything. If his family knew he was dating a girl, then they all would stop giving him side-glances, knowing looks of disapproval, they would be his family again, especially his father.

Ever since Thomas had entered high school his father had been pushing for him to bring home a nice, Christian girl. He sometimes suspected deep down that his father had always known the secret that was eating away at him. Every time he talked about a girl, he could see the sense of relief that would momentarily flash into father's eyes and vanish as quickly as it came. After Thomas would finish the story that he was telling his father would prod him with all types of questions, never about the story but always about the main female character.

While Ariel was not the vision his father had about his first girlfriend, he would be more than happy anyways.

"No" Thomas finally answered, with more confidence than he had ever felt. The sense of relief swept over him when Ariel didn't push the subject farther, obviously believing the story Thomas had created. Even though the air was still a little tense in the car, overall there was an ease that took the place of most of the tension.

For the rest of the ride home the pair only spoke of trivial things, each afraid to breech the ease of the conversation.

In Thomas's mind this was the only way to keep Ariel from asking the deeper questions, the ones he had no answer for. Whether he was protecting himself or her from the darker truth underneath the small talk, he didn't know and he didn't intend to find out.

Not long after, they rolled into the driveway of a large manor house, a bit rustic on the outside but well-kept. To Ariel it looked more like a business then a house and to Thomas that was what it was, homey enough to call it a house but not enough to call it a home.

"How can I ever thank you for tonight?" Thomas stammered feeling lost in the gratitude he felt for the siblings.

After she parked the car, Ariel looked dead into his eyes as if she were looking for some sign that he would be okay with what she would ask. The look he gave back was one filled with anxiety but also with hope, hope that he wouldn't have to live in fear, hope that he could be happy.

"If you really wanted to repay me for tonight, you can take me out to dinner and possibly a movie" Ariel suggested, with the hint of a smirk forming on her full lips.

The reply was quick to come out of his lips, with little hesitation behind the three lettered word. As the pair exchanged phone numbers and plans, Thomas marveled at the simplicity of what had just occurred. It was as if the universe was giving him the all clear. With one simple remark, Ariel had just changed his life more then she would ever hopefully know.

Walking to his room, Thomas felt this huge sense of relief at the prospect of telling his father he had a date, with a girl. The pressure that surrounded him every day for the past four years would be gone, the pressure to play the straight boy, the pressure to make his father proud of him. Now he wouldn't have to just play the straight boy, he would be the straight boy and of course it will take work but the prospect was all that he needed. He had no idea how he was going to change the way he felt towards Ariel but he knew that for the first time in a long time there was a chance that he could be a normal teen.

"Is that you Thomas?" He heard his father called from the other room along with the muffled sound of the television. "Yeah, pop, it's me" He muttered, hoping his father would have been asleep by now.

"Why aren't you at your friend Matt's house, I thought you were staying over there?" His father called back a little groggily. Thomas silently cursed, after everything that happened that night, he forgot that he had told his father he would be sleeping at a friend's house, luckily for him for him he was particularly gifted at lying.

"Yeah, I just couldn't sleep so a decided to not sleep over, alright well it's late so good night" He murmured, trying to get away before his father could ask any more questions or see his face. When Thomas had finally made it to his room and looked in the mirror, he was glad he didn't have to face his dad.

For all the work Jess had done, he still looked like he had been run over. His right eye was swollen and the better part of his face was covered in raw swatches of skin, nevertheless he knew he could hide this from his father.

This wasn't the first time something like this had happened and he learned at a young age what a little makeup and concealer can do to hide things like this. It also helped that his father has never been especially observant so a lot of what Thomas did, went unnoticed. As for the dark bruises around his rips and hips, only Jess knew about those and that's how he intended to keep it.

Finally climbing into bed, he felt the exhaustion flow over him, leaving ever muscle swore and ever thought strenuous. Looking at the clock, it had only been three hours since he had met Jess and Ariel. Three hours since he met the people that have the power to condemn and save him. Without either of them knowing it, the siblings hold his fate in their hands.

When Thomas had met Jess, he knew he couldn't stop those feelings of desire and want but with Ariel he knew he could be strong enough to resist the temptation and to forget those feelings. In Thomas's mind, Jess had been the trial sent by God and Ariel was the gift that he could have if he was strong enough. Before he went to bed, he prayed to God for the strength that he would need to keep playing this part and the strength to resist what his heart actually wants.