Three Simple Words

Chapter 25

The light was blaring at all angles, everywhere he looked was white. If this was heaven then he had made the wrong choice. Faintly he heard the beeping of machines in the background, the steady drum of life, the soft voices in the air.

Life furled around him and he couldn't say he wasn't the least bit happy that God decided today wasn't his day. His eyelids felt glued to his head as he tried to pry them open. The beeping got louder along with the pounding in his head.

"Jess?" He questioned once his eyes adjusted enough to see the dark shadow sitting in the corner. For all the lights above him did, the rest of the room was a midnight black, the edges dipped into the void.

"Thomas!" Jess practically threw himself on the other boy. He sounded closer to a five-year old at the candy shop rather than the eighteen-year old he had grown into. Thomas couldn't help but smile at the other boy's reaction. The events from the past day failed to enter his mind and he couldn't figure out for the life of him why he was in this dimly lit room.

"Where are we?" The solemn look returned to Jess's eyes and Thomas could see the struggle going on in his mind. "Please, just tell me what happened." Jess's ragged breaths were loud enough it seemed like all of New Mexico could hear it. The tears that has so often filled Thomas's eyes now filled Jess's.

"What do you remember?" Jess managed to get out, in between him trying to calm his breathing. The memories of the other day seemed to be clouded in a fog, blanketed in a mist of sorts.

"I remember telling you... telling you that I... I love you and then running off but after that... I... I don't know" The blush on Thomas's cheeks was as red as the sky during the sunrise. It took a minute before Jess was able to figure out what to say. He knew the answer to what Thomas had asked but he also knew that answer to the unasked question.

"After you said...uh...I ran after you but by the time I got there, you were already covered... covered in so much blood. I...I didn't..." The sobs finally racked Jess's body as he sat next to the boy who he... The tears spilled free, the majority ending up, consequently, on Thomas's hospital bed.

It didn't take much for Thomas to figure out the rest. The boy that who had seemed so strong while Thomas was so weak broke down in his arms. Thomas's body grasped desperately onto Jess's, trying to give him all the strength he had left.

Thomas's hands wove themselves into Jess's raven-hair. It felt like years to Jess before he would be able to let go of the brunet, if ever.

"Am I interrupting?" Came an almost shy voice from the door. Whereas the boys would usually spring apart if someone walked in, neither really seemed alarmed at their current position. Jess sat up, leaving the comfort of Thomas's chest but his hands never strayed from where they had been planted on Thomas's body.

"You're good." Thomas croaked, earning him some well needed water.

"I'm Dr. Emilia Cervantes, a med student under Dr. Segreta. I'm just here to check... uh... Mr. Romano's vitals." Thomas gave her a nod of consent before she began her work.

"It's nice to see you awake, you lost a lot of blood but we were able to transfuse enough to counteract how much you've lost. Of course, we are going to have to do a psych eval before you're discharged but other than that you seem to be doing fine." Dr. Cervantes made a quick exit leaving the boys to the silence that seemed to slice into them.

"Did you actually want to kill yourself?" Jess instantly regretted his question as Thomas flinched but he didn't deny that he wanted, needed to know the answer. Thomas wasn't so much as surprised by the question as he was confused how to answer. The words kept forming but none of the them seemed to fit how he felt.

"No, maybe, I don't really know. I didn't want to die so much as I just didn't want to live. I've been fighting so long that I think I couldn't fathom fighting anymore. And today, I...I just couldn't stop, I didn't mean for it to happen but at the time I didn't stop it either. I just wanted the oblivion, I wanted to be free. That sounds stupid, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just... I couldn't keep fighting." The tears were now flowing freely down each boys' cheek.

"Thomas I..." Jess looked into the expectant eyes of the other boy and whatever he needed to say had gone, nothing seemed to matter except the other.

Sleep eventually found them again, Thomas in the bed with Jess sitting in the chair unassumingly protective of the blond. Whenever he closed his eyes, he kept replaying the moment right before Thomas ran out and finding Thomas.

Both memories revolved around his head leaving little for much else. He was haunted by the three-word phrase Thomas had let slip. He knew there was no way Thomas had meant what he said, especially regarding his next actions.

It was stupid to even dream that Thomas felt that way. There were so many reasons he wouldn't that Jess convinced himself that Thomas's words and feelings were two very different things. He was just so confused. It felt like he was burning from the inside, anxious to know if Thomas had meant what he said but more so to know that the other boy was okay.

When Jess had found Thomas under the willow tree, the sky barely gave him any light but he would know that silhouette anywhere. Under the dim lighting of the street light, he could make out the blood that covered the other boy's body.

He seemed so small in that moment, like a little kid worn out after a long day of playing in the sun. His face was placid but hopeful. He looked peaceful, almost serene, a stark contrast to the scene around him.

The razor blade had long since fell from his hand and it now lay haphazardly to his side, taking up residence in the soft grass. Jess could remember the way his body shook as he ran to the other boy, the way his fingers felt when they brushed against the dried blood, the coarse voice cutting into the otherwise still evening.

It took all of his concentration to dial 911 and even more to tell the operator where they were. The rest was a blur of ambulances, Thomas being wheeled away, his own sobs raking his body, yelling at the paramedics to let him stay with his friend.

He knew Thomas meant an enormous amount to him but he had no idea how much until he was pretty sure he would lose him.

"How's he doing?" Jess's mom asked through the phone, interrupting Jess's own thoughts. He had texted them a little while ago but he didn't think they would actually respond until the morning.

"He's... okay, I guess, I don't know." Jess's mumbled, his confidence leaving his body entirely. "Okay, we'll be there when they allow visitor's tomorrow" His mom replied solemnly. It had one hell of a time convincing the hospital to let him stay with Thomas but when he started to have an anxiety attack, they quickly changed their position.