Three Simple Words

Chapter 5

Saturday was here before Thomas had a chance to process the idea of going on a date, with a girl. His nerves swirled around him, suffocating his thoughts, his actions.

The anxiety began to swell much like it had the first night when he had met Ariel except this time it didn't cloud his mind, it heightened his senses, his emotions.

What if it doesn't go well? What if Ariel found out why he had agreed to go on a date with her? What if she tells her parents and they tell his dad?

All of these thoughts of rejection and anxiety flowed around his head, leaving him gasping for air, curled into a ball on the side of his bed.

A ringing snapped him out of his thoughts and back into the world that he lived in. Looking to the right of him, his friends face popped up on his phone screen.

"Hey Thomas, how's it going?" Ash asked, with an enthusiasm that was not uncharacteristic of him.

"It's going" The boy replied, trying to steady his voice enough that it wouldn't alarm his best friend. "Give me five minutes and I'll be there... Oh and try to breathe" With that Ash hung up the phone and ran into his car, barely giving his parents a reason for him running out.

The thing about having been friends with someone since you could remember is that they know you better than any other person. Thomas knew that he couldn't hide the shaking in his voice from his friend, and he had secretly hoped that Ash would hear it and come over. He was the only one that knew about the severity of Thomas's anxiety and in consequence, he was only one that knew how to call him down. "Calmati, Darling, calmati" Ash appeared in the doorway, his presence instantly soothing Thomas's nerves a little.

When Thomas was young, he suffered from crippling panic attacks and his mother would hold him, stroking his blond hair and whispering the same thing over and over in Italian.

His father had hated him for those attacks, the attention they would gather when he had one at school or the grocery store, that was one of the reasons he could never tell his father that he still suffered from them. After his mother passed away, Thomas would stop telling his father when he had an anxiety attack, he would excuse himself to go to the washroom if he couldn't control it, but he would never tell.

"Whatever happens with Ariel, I will always be there for you and I know she's looking over you right now saying the same thing I am, that you're not alone" Ash whispered holding his best friend against his chest.

The beating of Ash's heart was the only constant Thomas felt, everything else was chaos around him, Ash was his only constant. The pair stayed like this for a while, both holding on to each other for dear life, each confiding in each other everything that kept them awake at night, everything that caused them fear.

Soon it was five o'clock, time for Thomas to pick up his "date". The pair said their goodbyes and Thomas made for the door; each step he took felt like a weight was being lifted off of his shoulders.

Once he got in his car, he texted his dad to let him know he wouldn't be home tonight and he sped away towards his future.

It was a little harder than he had anticipated, finding Ariel's house in the daylight but he made it there with a few minutes to spare.

When he pulled up, the first thing he noticed was the siblings sitting on the porch, but more importantly Jess and the way the sunlight filled his milky skin and emerald eyes.

Once he tore his eyes away, he noticed the same thing happened to Ariel expect it made her look stronger whereas in Jess it gave him more vulnerability.

"Hey Thomas" Ariel chirped, embracing him in a hug, her porcelain skin rubbing against own chafed skin.

Every move he made, he felt the emerald eyes staring at him, burning into him. "Your bruises are gone?" Jess questioned, breaking his silence.

"Yeah, well you'd be surprised what I little makeup can do to bruises." Thomas answered back, making sure to keep his voice light and detached, nothing like what he was feeling inside. He could tell that Jess wanted to say something, but whatever it was, he kept to himself.

"We should be going. I'll see you later." Ariel announced, giving no time for her protective brother to put in his opinions.

Once they were in the car, Thomas couldn't help but let his minds wander to Jess, in the few seconds that he was with the other boy, he realized how hard it was going to b, playing the straight boy, always cautious of what you say.

"So why do you put makeup on over the bruises" Ariel inquired, letting the curiosity win.

"It's just easier to let people believe that nothing happened rather than explain what actually did" Thomas stated, almost not realizing the truth behind what he had said. The rest of the date was uneventful, it went exactly as any hetero date would go. The pair ended up going to dinner and then a movie with ice cream after.

"So how did your mother die?" Ariel prodded, shoving a scoop of ice cream into her mouth.

The one thing that Thomas learned tonight was that Ariel had no filter, she was not afraid to ask what she wanted to know. Thomas knew he shouldn't be surprised considering the bluntness of her question when they had first met, but this question caught him off guard. It had been so long since anyone has ever really asked about her that it felt like everyone had forgot her except him.

When she first died, that was all anyone could talk about but as the months went on people stopped asking if he was okay, asking about her. While everyone seemed to have moved on, that was all he could think about, all he cared about. Even his father at some point stopped talking about her, stopped crying whenever he saw a picture of her, he moved on.

Now when people did ask about his mother it wasn't about what she was like or how he was doing, it was about how she died. That one inconsequential moment changed everything, that one moment now defined who she was, what she was like.

"Ten years ago, she was hit by a drunken driver while she was walking our dog, Frisco. When we went to the hospital; they said that she would have a long recover, but she would be ago. She was all set to go, we just needed her discharge papers when she suffered a brain aneurysm. The doctors said that there was no way to know that this was going to happen and that was that." Thomas finished, holding back the tears that would no doubt flow tonight after he got home.

"I'm sorry" Ariel murmured, touching his arm lightly. Thomas tried his best not to flinch away from the contact. He had never been good with physical contact and it didn't help that the person who was touching him was the person that he was supposed to be enamored with.

Thomas walked to his front door, dreading having to tell his father about his date. It wasn't that it hadn't gone well or his father wouldn't be proud, it was that after all of this, he didn't feel anything except like a fraud.

Even so, he knew he couldn't give up the chance to be in a hetero relationship, to be normal. "Thomas? I didn't realize you'd be home so early" Thomas's dad called from the other room. "It's nearly eleven what do you mean?

"Thomas called back, hardly expecting his father to answer.

When he came face to face with his father, he could see the joy plastered over the older man's face. "So, how was your date?" His father beamed, making sure to emphasize the word "date".

"It was good" Thomas lied seamlessly. "It was with a girl, right?" His father took no time in asserting his fear, the excitement on his face now replaced with a hint of worry. "Of course." The son replied, slipping his hands back into his pockets, ready to get out of there.

"Thank goodness! For a while I was afraid your where one of them" His father spat the last word before giving his son a hug.

The younger man did his best to keep a calm face, nothing like the anger he was feeling towards his father's blatant relief at his son's sexuality.

After that Thomas made a quick escape and went to his room, one of the only places he felt like himself. When he was alone, he didn't have to try and convince anybody or himself for that matter.

Finally, after his father went to bed, he let himself relax and let the tears he had been holding in fall. Tears for mother, tears for his shame, tears for the lie he was living."