Three Simple Words

Chapter 15

The large oak door opened, revealing a beaten down looking Thomas. The last couple of days taking a toll on the young boy even though hid it well. From a distance he seemed like the same boy he had been before but the bags under his eyes and the frown lines gave him away.

The boy had lost the youthful innocence once and for all. It wasn't like he had much of a childhood but whatever was left of that was gone. He did his best to try to pretend he was alright for Jess's sake but every day it seemed more impossible to keep his mask from cracking.

The razor still burned a hole in his jeans, or rather Jess's jeans, but he hadn't used it yet. It seemed to take more will power than he's ever had to use before but he kept it in his pocket, refusing to pull it out for what reason, he didn't know.

He didn't think that he did it for his own safety, but rather he couldn't face the disappointment if Jess found out. That morning, the boys awoke side by side, one on the bed and one on the air mattress. It was the first day Thomas would be going back to school after what had happened.

The bruises were still visible on his torso but the ones on his face had faded a little. The anxiety grew in Thomas as he got dressed in what Jess had laid out for him. With school came talking to Ash.

Since the incident happened, he had been adamantly ignoring Ash's texts and calls. He was half worried that he would show up at Jess's house. Thomas knew that Jess had talked to him but he also knew that Ash would want to make sure he was alright. It was hard enough to lie to Jess but Ash had known him since he was young and he could see straight through his mask.

After they were ready to go, Thomas got onto the back of Jess's back after the other boy had insisted. Thomas had been hesitant but not because of the motorcycle. This was the closest he had been to anyone since it happened and the thought of physical contact was scary as hell for him. Jess could feel the way Thomas tried to keep his distance but was ultimately failing.

"Look at me" Jess commanded. Thomas reluctantly did as he was told, his eyes meeting the emerald ones in front of him. "I'm not going to hurt you" The sincerity in his voice and eyes was enough to help the other boy relax and grab onto Jess's torso.

It wasn't that Thomas didn't want to trust Jess; it was just that every time he thought he could something reminded him of all the reasons to not trust the other boy. Besides, the more you trust someone, the more power they have to hurt you and Thomas wasn't going to make that mistake again.

The ride to school was a long and tiresome ordeal, of course the ride only lasted a few minutes but every scenario swept through Thomas's head before they stepped foot onto campus.

After the bike had stopped rumbling beneath them, Thomas did everything he could to separate himself from the dark-haired boy in front of him.

He practically jumped off the motorcycle and was half away across the quad before Jess had his helmet off. In truth, Thomas just couldn't take the way he felt when he was with Jess but he reasoned with himself that the only reason he left so fast was because Ash was walking ahead. Ash stopped when he heard the rush of footsteps behind him and grabbed onto the other boy.

With Ash's strong arms around Thomas, it felt like the world had slowed leaving them alone in the center of the universe. Even so, Thomas couldn't ignore the fear and anxiety he felt when Ash had grabbed onto him.

The two had always been kind of touchy feely but if someone even brushed against Thomas, he almost had an anxiety attack.

"Thomas! Are you okay, Jess told me what happened" He said, gesturing to Jess who now stood behind the two. Jess looked slightly guilty but said nothing on the matter. It wasn't as if he had wanted to tell Ash but he didn't know what else to do.

He was scared for Thomas and he didn't know how he could even begin to help him. The rest of the day had been pretty uneventful for Jess but Thomas could only wish that he could say the same thing.

After his sixth hour class, a class in which he did not have Jess in, he had been cornered in the bathroom by Wren and a couple other guys. They had pinned him to the wall adjacent to the door with his hands behind his head.

The look in Thomas's eye was one of apathy and disassociation; he barely even felt the first punch to his stomach. In truth, it was the most he had felt all week. The pain was a reminder of all that had happened, all that he couldn't fix. It was a dull ache that formed over his body after Wren was done having his fun, albeit less than he would usually have had.

Once he was alone, Thomas sank to the floor of the boy's bathroom, still only feeling a dull ache. He knew the beating had been worse today than is usually was but he brain couldn't bring itself to feel what he knew must be there.

He heard the bell ring signaling the start of sixth period but he couldn't bring himself to care. He did that a lot lately, fight against the imposing indifference that he felt on a daily basis.

The only times he didn't feel it was when he was with Jess or when he was thinking about the small razor blade in his pocket, both of which wouldn't help his situation now.

What would help his situation was getting off his ass and getting to class, a task easier said than done. As soon as he tried to stand up, he felt the pain that he had otherwise managed to escape.

The pain knocked the breath out of him and brought him to his knees. It was by no means as painful as what his dad was capable of but it was not a walk in the park either. There was no way he was going to make it to his sixth hour class in this condition, not that he needed to go anyway. His last classes were Home Ec. and gym and neither was worth the trouble.

Thomas made his way to the front office and signed himself out not before texting Jess to let him know he left early. Fortunately, their school was pretty lenient with the rules regarding students leave when they wanted so he didn't have to fake an illness to get out of there.

Once the crisp fall air hit his face, he was able to breathe again. His shoulder sagged as the tension left them as he left the building that was partially responsible for his growing anxiety.

Even so, it was the only reason he bore the world on his shoulders and in some ways, maybe he did. The weight of him being gay was enough to cause strain on his back but his relationship with his father was what caused it now.

As much as he pushed his emotions down, they always crept up on him and the dull ache he felt in the bathroom turned to a sharp reminder of his past.

Why couldn't he push this down? Why did he still care what his father thought? If only his father could see him now, the lonely gay kid leaving school early to finally give in to the pull the object in his pocket had on him. It was bad enough what his father had thought of him before he threw him end but now, there was no doubt that if he knew he would hate Thomas.

Cutting is a sin he would say and hell, maybe he was right, but that didn't change Thomas's mind.