an ode to the loveless, these are for you.

pastor greg and miss roberta wouldn't like who i've become

i truly hope there are others as complex as i,
and i don't mean to sound narcissistic.
i just mean i hope there's others who question everything as i do.
who realize, yes, i may be a child of god,
but is he really my father?
i was raised in a church throughout my childhood, i knew the hymns and little children's songs about jesus and how he died on the cross.
even then the whole concept felt odd to me.
and i would (and still) ask myself:
why do i feel out of place in his home,
in a church.
but i feel so at home and at ease when laying in a lavender field.
why have others felt him in their blood and souls and all i feel is...
d
i
s
c
o
m
f
o
r
t.

do gods select us, or do we all believe an illusion of comfort that life is out of our control.

the terrifying reality is that life is in our control.
after all,
it's ours isn't it?