an ode to the loveless, these are for you.

take me to a cliff that overlooks the sea

in sleep, when i used to believe i was safest, is now what i know to be the most dangerous and vulnerable state to be in.
you continue to walk into my dreams, and speak.
messages, warnings, feelings, or even just existing.
existing plainly as you are in a space that's supposed to be an escape is a nightmare on its own.

i believe the silly thought that if someone appears in your dream and gives you a message then it's a sign,
so what am i supposed to do?
you're a ghost, i don't know you!
i'm a ghost, the human i was a year ago when we knew each other passed away.
she's gone,
you're gone,
but not in my dreams.
i just wish to go to sleep unafraid of what's to come.
i don't wanna be scared of myself.
i don't wanna be scared of myself,
but i'm so scared.
i'm changing, the world around me is changing, all i've ever known is a distant memory.
i'm walking out of this year with a different group of individuals than i did when i entered this year.
where did they all go?
where did they all go?
where did i go?
what have i done to you?
to myself?
i wanna love me the way i used to love me,
but i can't do that when i'm so busy loving everyone else.

just take me to a cliff that overlooks the sea.
let me sit at the edge, dangle my feet up above a certain death,
and scream.