You're Word Against Ours

16

Vanessa Calloway~~

We won the game but it was an easy win. They played the worst team tonight and I guess that was good because Lucas, the teams best player, wasn't there. When the game was over I changed into something more comfortable and headed over to Lucas'. I'm nervous as hell but I'm also so ready to get this over with. 

Standing awkwardly at Lucas' kitchen island, I take a drink of the water he gave me five minutes ago. "Why?" He finally croaks out. His voice sounds broken and like he's been smoking the past ten years. "Why what, Lucas?" I ask. "Why'd you do it?" I roll my eyes at him. I know I might sound selfish but I have a reason to be. "Did it hurt you?" I retort. He nods his head and takes a deep breath before opening his mouth, "A lot."

"Then there. I wanted you to know what it felt like. To hurt a lot. So Lucas, why did you do it?" It was my turn to ask him. I need answers before we end this. He shakes his head. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, Vanessa. How could you, out of all people, be that stupid? You wanted to hurt me. You could have done that so many other ways, but you go and fuck your English teacher!? My brother. You thought you were smart with your plan but in the midst of doing it you ruined his life, mine, and yours." He shouts at me.

"He had all the chance to stop it! You and I both know that. You're brothers been crazed about me for the past three years we've known each other. I don't care if my life is ruined. But god so help me I'm thrilled yours is! Mine was ruined when I found out about you and Carissa, my fucking best friend! Lucas, you stooped low on that one. You stooped low when you got with the first one. You stooped low when you decided I wasn't good enough. You have no idea how hard this relationship has been for me. You, Lucas you have a problem. You hurt so much that you hurt others and you don't even know it. Can you recall the last time we had sex? No? Is it because you choose not to or because you just can't? And you won't even get the chance to ruin my life. We both know sure as hell, I can ruin you even more. I had everything covered up just because I believed you loved me."

He nods his head in denial. He doesn't believe he has done anything wrong. He is so blind to the damage he has done. "You hurt me, you choke me, you use me, you don't understand what it is like to be so belittled by the one person you expect to love you. And now you have no idea how much it hurt to find out what the last year of our relationship meant to you," I cry out in agony.

He sits there for a few minutes. Not a word comes out of his mouth as he stares at me, his mind racing with thoughts. He doesn't know what to say. I gave him the truth and now he's conflicted about his next words. But before too much time passes he finally speaks up.

"I'm so, so sorry."

"You're sorry? Lucas you cannot be sorry. If you were sorry you wouldn't have done it the first time or the second time or the third. You kept going beyond that. Over and over. Girl after girl. You are not sorry. You are not sorry because if you were sorry you wouldn't have stayed with me. You would not have laid a hand on me. You would not have hurt me. You would not have told me every morning and night that you loved me for the past year. You would not have brought me flowers and kissed me and told me everything was going to be okay. You knew this whole time it wasn't going to be okay. You're a liar. A liar and a cheater. You thought you'd get away with this. You're only sorr y because you got caught!" I shout out at him with tears chasing each other down my cheek.

"Vanessa, I love you. I mean it. All those other girls mean nothing to me and I never ever meant to hurt you," He tries to explain himself.

"They meant something to you that I didn't, they could give you something I couldn't. That's why you got with them," I cry out.

For a few minutes we stand there in complete silence, again. He says nothing because he knows I'm right. My body feels heavy and my stomach turns. He sighs heavily.

"I-" He chokes and looks me in the eye. "I had no choice. I can't love you. I don't know how to. It hurts me to say this but it's the truth. You made it so hard, I never knew what to do to make you happy. You never seemed satisfied with what I was giving you. And I was so scared this relationship would end that I got with other girls to comfort me," He finally tells me.

I don't know what I was expecting but it was not that. My tears have stopped falling by now and my body has gone completely numb. I can't feel anything, I can't even cry. He's hurt me so much that my mind can't even process what's happening around me.

"Oh, Lucas, how you were so wrong. I was the happiest person alive with you.Even if you hurt me, you never failed to make me happy. I was never not satisfied. But now you've just hurt me. You've hurt me to the point where I don't even know what to do. I love you and I don't think I'll ever stop. But I have to go. This will probably be the last time i'll have the energy to talk to you so I hope everything goes as planned. I hope you get accepted to Auburn University and I hope you get you're scholarship. I love you and I never wish anything bad on you.... but just remember not to do anything that could end up ruining your life even more" I finally assure him.

I head towards his door and open it. He follows me with tears in his eyes. It was his turn to cry now, for him to realize what he has done. To understand how much he has hurt me.

"I never meant to hurt you, Vanessa, I'm so sorry," He sobs.

I grab his hand and squeeze it while giving him a sad smile. "I know Lucas, but you did. Goodbye," I add before letting go and leaving his house.

I didn't turn around as I headed to my car. And even when I was in my car I didn't glance at him. I knew he was sobbing and hurt, but I couldn't let myself care because he has hurt me so much more.