¿There really isn't... a reason?

¿7?

Today was...

I don't know.

Harder, than the others.

Depression is hard to explain.

Especially for people who don't understand.

Anxiety is awful, because you constantly feel your heart beating constantly, and you're nervous over things that can be years down the road.

Trauma.

Trauma is hard.

Trauma is very hard.

It feels like your head is falling apart,

And every time you try to pick up the pieces they slice your hands up.

And the broken pieces just fall off the face of the earth.

And it gets you stuck in a corner where that's all you can think about.

But, when you have all 3 of them.

It mega sucks.

I try so hard to fight past them. I try to hard to get through it. But every time I even hear the foot steps of one of my team mates, anxiety takes its part, then the panic attacks from the trauma start to show up, then depression shows up to the after party.

It's an endless cycle. Going round and round constantly.

I'm currently sitting in the living room, drinking a cup of water. We ran out of tea 3 days ago, but I'm not going out to get any. I don't feel like asking anyone to get me some either.

I sat in a chair at the table. I didn't want to sit on the couch.

Cyborg and Beastboy were the only ones in the living room. They were sitting of the couch like they always did. Playing their games, fighting over how the game was unfair.

All of the sudden, my nerves were shot when Cyborg accidentally knocked over a glass sitting on the coffee table.

"Nice going dude! Now we've gotta—" that's all I could hear Beastboy say before my anxiety started to bubble.

I heard glass shatter as he came closer to me. He had taken a glass bottle, broke the end to make some sort of weapon.

He came close to my face, but I couldn't see his because it was hidden behind his mask.

He pressed it on my collarbone, then started going sideways across my chest—

"Raven!" I heard Cyborg yell near me.

I looked up, still panting, trying to catch my breath.

Both the boys were staring at me in a look of fear.

I felt the tear stains down my cheeks, and my throat felt sore.

I looked down and I realized my glass had shattered as well.

There was water all over the floor.

"I'm sorry." I said, wiping my face. Trying to wipe the evidence of me crying. "I'll clean it up I'm so sorry I—" Cyborg cut me off.

"No no it's okay. I'll clean it up. Just relax." He smiled and grabbed the broom and paper towels.

Beastboy looked at me with sad, concerned eyes.

"If you want, I can walk you to your room. If that would make you feel any better." He offered softly.

I wanted to say no terribly. But it would also make me feel better to have someone there with me.

I nodded.

He smiled gently, and I started waking first.

He followed shortly behind me.

As soon as the doors shut he started talking.

"Are you okay? You didn't get cut or anything?" He asked.

"No." I replied.

It was silent until we got to my door.

"Do you need me to get you anything?" He asked politely.

"No I'm good thank you." I replied in a whisper.

"Okay. If you need anything let one of us know." He said as he left.

He didn't stay like he normally would. He only stayed for a few short seconds.

Maybe he was starting to give up too.

Like I was.

———————————
For anyone struggling with a mental illness of any kind, or just any life circumstance I'm sorry.

I have depression and I suffer from a trauma that happened to me when I was younger.

It gets better. And you'll get through it.

Stay strong. I love you.