Solangelo 3

Part 19

NICO

I sit, mortified. I can't look Will in his eyes, I'm too scared I'll see how much he hates me now. I can't face that.
He takes my hand without a word, turns it over, examines it. I remember when I came here the first couple of times, when I was getting to know him. He gave me injections, and he held my hand so carefully, gently. He still does.
Even though he doesn't speak to me, doesn't look at me, he's still so careful.
'What happened?' He asks, his voice monotone. He doesn't let concern show.
'I...um.' I start, not prepared to speak, 'punched a wall.'
'Right.' He says, and continues working in silence. I watch him. He cleans the blood away, removes the splinters and wraps it gently in a bandage. We stay silent the whole time.
'Okay, you're done.' He says, after a moment. He stays where he is, then stands suddenly and walks away.
'Will.' I say, standing up and following him, 'Will, please. Please, talk to me.'
He sits at his desk and roots through papers, looking for something he doesn't need.
'Will, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I was...I...' I can feel my eyes welling up, but he won't look at me, 'please.'
'What? What do you want me to do? I was there for you Nico, always, through everything, and I thought I'd hurt you. I thought I'd done something.' He says, slamming his papers on the desk.
'I'm sorry.' I say, my mind unable to come up with anything else. He continues reading through his papers, 'Will, please. I need you.'
'You got on fine without me.'
'No I didn't.' I say forcefully, 'I can't even think about my life before you. What I was like, the person I was becoming. It scares me.' I take a moment to breathe, my voice shaking, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry I get mad sometimes. I'm sorry I took it out on you. But I can't..I..I...'
He finally looks up at me, and I turn away. I'm crying, the weight of everything that's happened finally crashing down on me.
'Nico.' He says, gently.
'I can't lose you.' I say, turning to him. He's standing, and I wasn't expecting him to be so close. We're looking at each other now, finally, face to face, 'Now that I have you, I can't lose you.' I say again. 'I love you, and I can't lose you.'
Before I can even finish my sentence he kisses me. His hands gripping my shoulders, holding onto me. I kiss him back, desperately. I've missed him more than I could handle.
Even once we stop kissing I keep hold of him, refuse to let him let me go.
'I'm sorry.' I say, over and over, 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.'
'It's okay.' He says, holding me tightly, rocking me slightly, 'it's okay.'
The accumulation of everything; being in a fight with Will, the fact that I haven't slept in far too long - I can't stop myself crying.
'It's okay.' He says again, 'what's up with you?' He asks, laughing a little. He wipes away my tears.
'I just don't like fighting with you.' I say. He smiles, hugging me again.
'I don't like fighting with you.' He says back. He takes my hand in his, 'why'd you punch a wall?'
'I was angry we were fighting.' I say, quietly.
'That was stupid.'
'I know.' I look up at him. He kisses my forehead lightly.
'Have you slept?' He asks, and I shake my head. He laughs a little and nods, 'so that's why you're so emotional.'
'Hey!' I say, 'what's that supposed to mean?'
'It means,' he says, buckling my knees with his leg so I fall back onto the bed behind me, 'I've never seen you that worked up about anything in your life.'
I stay quiet, and he sits next to me.
'I'm sorry.' I say again, but my tone is different. He notices.
'For what?'
'I don't really do things casually. This probably isn't...I'm not...'
'You're the most chaotic, intense, lethal boy I've ever met.' He says, 'and I love you. I wouldn't have it any other way.'
'I know I'm a lot.' I say, resting my forehead on his shoulder. He holds my hand, intwining his fingers with mine.
'You are.' He says, 'you are a lot and I love you.'
'I love you.' I say back, and again, 'I love you.'
'You're going to sleep now, okay? Because there's no way you're meeting my family acting like this.' He says, laughing.
'Oh Gods. Your family. Your mums coming today. Oh Gods.' I say, suddenly panicking.
'Relax.' He says, still laughing, 'you'll do fine. They'll love you. Just go to sleep.'
'You'll be here?' I check, as I settle down.
'I'll be here.' He confirms, 'don't worry.'
He sits with me as I fall asleep. He plays with my hair, curling it round one of his fingers over and over; rhythmic. I fall asleep gradually, steering clear of Tartarus, or the box, or the burning house. I dream of Will; an uneventful, dull, and boring dream. The best one of my life.