I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Gerard and Frank Are Both Confused

Frank's had consistently impure thoughts since he met Gerard. He actually remembers the first time it happened.

He met Gerard through Pete, and he has hated Pete ever since it happened. Frank really could have done without the all-consuming crush on his roommate, thank you very much.

He was about to be evicted from his apartment, because he didn't have enough money to pay for his rent. Pete was a friend he knew from his old job, working at a store that eventually went bankrupt and no longer exists anymore. Pete lived next door to a guy who needed a roommate, and he'd told Frank of the opening.

Then he met Gerard. It's all pretty much downhill from there.

Frank even remembers the first thing he'd thought when he saw Gerard for the first time. He wasn't nervous to be interviewed for the part of being a roommate, but that was only up until he saw who was going to interview him.

"You never told me the guy was drop-dead gorgeous," Frank said.

"Is he? I never noticed," Pete replied.

"You're not being serious," Frank said exasperatedly.

"No, I'm kidding. Obviously I noticed, but he's not into that."

"Guys?"

"Anyone. He really likes comic books. He might be interested if you were literally Batman, but you're not, so forget about it," Pete told him.

Frank didn't listen. Of course he didn't. How could he listen to that when his mind was too busy imagining Gerard naked.

He had hoped that maybe Gerard would pick a different roommate, because he'd said he had a few other applicants. He didn't pick someone else though. Apparently he was really enticed by the fact that Frank had the same taste in music. Frank still curses himself for even mentioning anything.

He could've just said he didn't want to live with Gerard though. He could have found an ad for someone else who needed a roommate, or waited for some other offer. He didn't think things through though. Frank just figured that moving in with the attractive guy would be okay, and he'd get over the crush with a little time. How was he supposed to know that the hot guy was not only hot, but also a really fantastic human being? Why couldn't Gerard have been a bitch? That would have made it so much easier to get over his crush. He wouldn't be miserable today if Gerard had just been rude.

Of course, the world is never the way you want it to be though. It's always going to screw you for the fun of it.

Unfortunately, Frank got sucked into Gerard's gravitational pull, and he hasn't been able to get out of it since. He tried to avoid the guy for a little while when he first moved into their now current apartment. Just because they were roommates didn't mean they had to be inseparable, but Frank stuck to him like duct tape, and he has ever since.

He seems to have forgotten himself just being in love with his roommate, so most o him is afraid of what will happen on that inevitable day where he and Gerard go their separate ways. It has to happen someday. Gerard will get a new job in a new city, or he'll decide he's too old for a roommate. Maybe Gerard will get mad at him and kick him out. Maybe he'll figure out about Frank's crush, and he'll be so disgusted that he'll throw him to the curb. It has to happen someday.

The danger is that he really has forgotten himself. He's still there, somewhere. He's still got that person he used to be deep down, but he hasn't seen that person in several years. He doesn't know if he'll ever bring that person back to the light of day, because he's too busy fawning over Gerard to think about himself.

Frank's always been the kind of guy to put other people first. People tell you that's a good thing, but usually they're not thinking about the dangers that it can bring. If you're always putting other people first than that means you come second. It's not selfish to say that everyone should try to put themselves first, that's just common sense. You should always try to make sure you're happy, because it's you that you're living for. You aren't born to live a life for someone else, it's your life for a reason, you control it. Some people don't do a very good job, and some people are content in being selfless. Eventually though, something's gotta give.