I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank Posted an Ad on Craigslist

"Right so, I thought, hey, wouldn't it be a grand idea to put an ad on craigslist to see if Aaron's done this before," Frank says.

"And?"

"Well, I didn't think he'd done it so many times before," Frank replies.

"Wait, hold on," Gerard says, holding out a hand, "you're saying that, not only is Aaron a dick, he's a serial dick?"

"He is indeed a serial dick," Frank confirms.

"So how many other guys was he a sadistic asshole with?" Gerard asks, putting his head on Frank's shoulder to look at the computer in front of him.

"Well three people have replied so far," Frank says, "over the course of about four years, Aaron is infamous, underground that is, for giving boys everything and dropping them like flies. I think I'm the only one that ever stuck around for more than two months."

"Um," Gerard makes a sound, "did you stick around the longest or did Aaron keep you the longest?"

"Well, I think technically, Aaron kept me the longest, but that makes me sound like I'm in someone's possession which is disgusting."

"No I didn't mean to imply that. I just mean... well, if he kept you around the longest, I think what we can take from that is that you meant the most. If you meant the most, I think what that means is that you hurt him."

"You think I hurt him?" Frank asks.

"If you did, I'm really fucking proud of you," Gerard replies and kisses Frank on the cheek.

"You realize that you just congratulated me for being mean to him."

"I hate him, Frank," Gerard says with utter seriousness. "Like, I want to watch him dangling off a cliff and step on his fingers to make him fall. I want to reenact that one scene from the Lion King and watch him get stampeded by a million wildebeests. I want Gollum to bite his finger off and then dangle him off the ledge in Mount Doom. I want a giant watery hand to burst out of the ocean and drown him like Admiral Zhao. I want him to go canyoneering when a rockslide happens out of nowhere getting his arm caught between a boulder and the canyon wall, forcing him to chop his arm off."

"Gerard, calm yourself."

"I can't. I hate that man so much. Like for one thing, he wasn't good to you, and second, he kept me from you and I fucking love you, and I just really want to tear his head off."

"We need to buy you a voodoo doll or something so that you don't do something stupid," Frank shakes his head, but smiles at Gerard, who's head is still resting against his own.

"Can anyone blame me?"

"No not particularly, but Gerard, that's the point of calling that reporter guy. This whole thing is about poetic justice. Not murdering him. That would be bad. Now granted, he's the kind of guy where you'd probably root for the murderer on an episode of a crime show, but that doesn't make it any less bad."

"God, if I didn't have you, I'd probably have killed that guy weeks ago," Gerard sighs.

"I'm such a good influence," Frank grins. "Okay, so I've talked with the three guys and they've agreed to speak with the reporter about Aaron too. What's better than the testimony of me? Me and three other people! Maybe more, the ad's only been up for about four hours."

"Oh god, we're going to nail him!" Gerard says grinning, "no one is going to take that guy seriously ever again."

"Now, don't count your eggs before they've hatched, Gerard. If everything goes flawlessly than hopefully this will work, but we don't know that yet, so just calm your tits until we have confirmation."