scrapbook ☀ hood - 1D

18 - Paris, France

Paris, France.

A place I dreamed of going to since I was in middle school. Now I was here and I was so excited to go out and adventure. 

Niall, Harry, Liam and I decided to get an early start by getting into the car early in the morning. As tired and sore as I was, I wanted to get everything off of my mind and taking pictures of everything was a way to do it. 

I only got three pictures of Copenhagen and I didn't mind because it wasn't my favorite place, even though it was a beautiful place. 

I couldn't contain my excitement for Paris. The first thing we did was go to the Eiffel tower. I took as many pictures as I could and then a few Polaroids. Some of just the tower itself and a few others of the boys and I.

Traveling around Paris was the easiest way to get Steven off my mind for a little bit. We didn't go to the top of the tower because of time but we agreed to come back at night. We saw the Arc De Triomph and a few other things before we stopped to get Paris' famous crapes. 

I took pictures to make the time last and then we were back in the car, looking down the streets of Paris. 

Once it got dark, we stopped by the Eiffel tower once more and took some pictures of it lit up. After we headed back to the hotel and I was once again stuck thinking about Steven too much. Lydia hadn't texted me at all and I couldn't help but worry. 

I distracted myself further by sitting in Louis and Harry's dressing room with everyone and hanging out. They didn't do much other than make small talk and express their exhaustion. I felt that that was everyone. We just kept pushing and ignored it as much as we could. 

As I sat there bored, Calum texted me.

Calum; 9:24: Want to hang in my room?

You; 9:26: Be right there :)

I tried not to think about Calum or Niall for that matter. Recently that wasn't exactly the priority but I felt bad because I never talked to Calum about what was going on. I never told him I had other things on my mind at the moment and I wanted to take the opportunity to tell him right away.

When I walked into his room he was laying on his bed. 

I just jumped next to him and laid there for a few minutes.

"How are you?" He finally said.

"I've been.... okay." I nodded, not wanting to explain everything. 

Calum and I started to catch up a bit. We made small talk about who we missed from back home and how Braelin and Ashton have been. Calum told me about his life and how grateful he was to have such an amazing experience and how he got to share it with his best friends. His brothers.

I wished that I was there for the whole thing. I wished I could have seen them grow. Now that I look back at my decisions, I wish I could have gone back and change some things. The night that I told Calum goodbye, those times were so confusing. 

I wish I could say I had something with Calum longer than what we did. My feelings and my hurt would have made more sense. But I couldn't believe i acted the way I did over a guy I had a thing with for a few months. It just seems so silly.

I really hated to say it but he still effected me in some ways. I missed how we were inseparable and I missed our cute moments that made me smile. I was about to tell him what had been going on but he spoke up first.

"Ester... I have a question" Calum said.

"Okay" I nodded.

"Have you thought about... us at all?" Calum asked.

"Honestly.. Calum I haven't." I sighed and prepared myself to ramble my way into explaining everything. Calum just laughed, more at himself than me.

"I should have known." Calum sighed. "Forget it Ester, we're never going to happen again."

"Calum, i've just been so- There's more too it.."

"Ester, I told you I wouldn't wait forever and you obviously haven't even given me a seconded thought... You didn't even have the decency to tell me." Calum shook his head.

"Calum, it's not like that, please just li-" 

"Ester, please just leave... I don't....." He sighed and I almost thought he was crying "I don't want to talk to you... any more."

"Calum" I begged "Please..."

"Ester, I don't care anymore." He snapped "I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of thinking we still have a chance. I'm letting everything go and you should too. It's for the best."

I stayed silent. 

I don't care anymore. Is what he said. It's for the best. I couldn't respond. I just added it to the list of people I've potentially lost.

"We obviously weren't meant to be" Calum said "And it's just too much hurt to deal with."

I still didn't know how to respond.

"We should just stay away from each other from now on... It will just be easier that way."

"If that's what you want" I nodded, not able to think of anything else.. 

"It is" Calum nodded. My heart broke but I nodded.

"Fine" I said and got up. 

I didn't bother saying goodbye, I just left.

Once I closed the door my phone began to ring. It was Lydia.

"Hello?" I answered frantically.

"Smurph?" A hoarse voice said through the phone. I began to tear up.

"Steven... you're okay"

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HIIIII I havent posted in 5ever and i'm sosososo sorry pls forgive me!

i'm gonna update again because it's been so long. 

Wowzers i've missed Steven a lot tbh like he was one of my fav charactors. I'm glad he's okay. AND WTF CALUM AND ESTER NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER AND MAKE UP/OUT AGAIN. 

how was everyones christmas?? I had amazing time with my family! Hope you enjoy and comment and vote and what not. Thank you so much for all of the votes and responces to everything. I really appriciate it. 

IF U DIDN'T KNOW I CHANGED MY USER NAME TO HEMMINGSLAUGH BC I'M HEMMOS' LAUGH AF. i used to be flowwerchildd but i kinda grew out of that. yolo and good tidings friends.

also. don't be afraid to talk to me bc I really like people so heyoo. :)))))))