scrapbook ☀ hood - 1D

23 - panic attack

*I DIDNT LOOK FOR ANY MISSPELLINGS OR GRAMMAR IN THIS SORRY*

btw sorry it took me so long to post this. I really wasn't sure how I felt about it and I had to sit on it for a while before I officially posted it but hope you enjoy!

I was done feeling like the world was crashing down on me one event at a time. I was done with all of the Calum shit that happened to me. I was done being mad at him. I was done with him being mad at me.

I didn't talk to anyone when I got to the dressing room. I just closed my eyes in the corner. Harry came over to me and snuggled up next to me. I could tell he figured something happened. I was glad he was there for me.

Niall and I hadn't talked much. I didn't really know what to say to him and I'd been a bit preoccupied. He came over and sat down by the chair that was next to the couch I rested at. He grabbed my hand and I felt Calum's eyes from across the room. I ignored it for the millionth time.

Some of the other boys came over and talked about their girlfriends coming to the shows. I wasn't sure when because I really wasn't paying attention. They all spoke too loud for me and a headache formed in the back of my eyes. I did however chuckle because Zayn brought up Perrie and how he drunk called her.

I just wanted to walk around, even if my body ached from all of the running I had done.

"Want to go for a walk?" I asked Harry. He just smiled and nodded.

We walked around the halls, getting far away from the dressing room.

"I just need to clear my mind, get off the couch." I sighed. "I'm having a rough time." I admitted.

"I'm so sorry" he shook his head and put his arm around me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later" I sighed.

Unfortunately, the time came that we had to go back to the dressing room so we held off our conversation until after the show. I needed to prepare my camera anyways. I had to do what I came here to do.

I tried to push back mine and Calum's conversation. I tried to do my best and as the show started, I started to feel better. I emptied my mind more than I had the past two nights which was good. I snapped more and more pictures because that was getting my mind away from everything. Niall and Harry would occasionally smile at me and I would snap a few shots before I moved on to the next boy. Their smiled helped my positivety grow.

I was getting to the point where I was falling asleep behind the Camera so I went back stage and loaded up the pictures to my laptop and started to move through them. I shut my laptop when the boys came back in to see me. They were pumped just as always. They were laughing and talking about the things that happened on stage.

Once we got back to the hotel, Harry and I stayed in the hallway farthest away from the hallway our rooms were on. I started to tell Harry about my dilemma with Calum to see what he had to say about it. Harry was like a brother to me so I felt that he would have good advice for me.

"I don't know what to do." I sighed.

"Everything takes time Est." Harry told me. "You guys haven't seen each other in a long time so being trapped on a tour together isn't the best way to fix things."

I nodded and started to say something but Lydia's name popped up on my screen.

"Just a second" i said as my heart skipped a beat. I got up off of the ground and walked farther into the abandoned hall. No one was on our floor. They cleared it out specifically for One Direction.

"Hey Lydia." I said sweetly as I got up off the ground and a few feet from Harry. "How's Steven?"

"Ester, there's something wrong." My heart cracked and my mind froze as I listened. "His brain is starting to swell just as the doctors predicted and they're talking him into emergency surgery. The doctors said he...... he might not make it.. I have to go. I wasn't supposed to call but you need to know there's something wrong."