Virago: She Who Can See The Future

Ikadalawampung Kabanata

Ikadalawampung Kabanata

[Petsa: Ika-3 ng Setyembre, 2038, alas singko ng hapon]

Things have been hard for me after what happened. I skipped meals — breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I didn't exercise, I took a bath twice a week, and I had few minutes of sleep. I could tell, I was barely living.

A lot had changed when I was not able to see my brothers and sister inside the house. Walang mga batang naglalaro. Walang mga batang nagkakalat. Walang mga batang nag-iingay. I didn't know how to cope with the big change in my life. I found it hard to adjust. From being jolly, I became lonely. From having children who helped me, I had to do all by myself only. I was left alone. It had a big impact in my life. So big that I think, I was asking how I am able to survive. So big that because of it, I had to stop going to college.

Hindi ko na natapos ang second sem. My classmates bugged me of projects. My teachers called me asking my condition. My friends visited me, urging me to continue fighting. The question is how? How could I step my foot forward if one of it was buried together with my siblings? How could I stand if my remaining strength was already drained? Pagod na pagod ako sa araw-araw na pag-iyak. There were no days that my eyes were not puffy. My lips dried from dehydration. Bruises also appeared on my skin — some were from self-violence, some were due to clumsiness.

I don't feel pain at all. I felt numb for the past few months. Kinailangan kong mag-summer para hindi masayang ang nasimulan ko at para na rin makatungtong ako sa second year ng college.

There were times I had nightmares. Magigising ako sa kalagitnaan ng gabi dahil sa panaginip kung saan gusto akong isama nila Mommy at Daddy. Kung hindi ang mga magulang ko, ang mga kapatid ko naman ang nagyayaya sa akin.

Sometimes, it wasn't a nightmare. It would be just a pure dream where I am playing with my siblings. Rinig na rinig ko ang malalakas nilang tawa at ang napaka-cute nilang mga bungisngis. Paggising ko ay basang-basa ang magkabila kong pisngi.

And sometimes, it would be a strange dream showing familiar faces of Light, Lakipa, and Lilac. Ang ibang mga panaginip ay kasama sila Warren, Walter, Wallace, at Winnerin.

I remember, after celebrating my birthday, they didn't talk to me again.

Niligpit ko na ang mga gamit ko at isinukbit ang bag sa aking balikat. Gaya ng nakagawian ay hindi ako nagpaalam sa mga kaklase ko na uuwi na. I lost some of my friends, those who weren't able to stay during my darkest nights. Kaunting tulak sa kanila ay iniwan na nila ako. I don't mind though. Nakilala ko ang mga taong kaya akong intindihin.

The sun was near to set when I went out of the building. Malamig din ang hangin na yumayakap sa balat ko. The thought of Christmas somehow excites me, and I can feel it now that the Ber month has started.

Saktong nag-vibrate ang phone ko paglabas ko ng gate. The screen indicated Valerie's call. I clicked the 'Answer' button. Itinapat ko sa tenga ko ang cellphone.

"Nakauwi ka na?"

Bungad agad ang tanong niya na parang siya ang nanay ko.

"Pauwi na," sagot ko sa kanya. "Ikaw?"

"Papasok pa lang sa trabaho."

Nagkuwento siya sa akin ng naging araw niya at ako rin. Laging ganito ang sistema naming dalawa mula nang pumasok ulit ako.