the kids don't wanna come home | SVT BXB

"death of a hero"

happy birthday to one of the most beautiful human beings out there!

wish my bff @ScoupsDrugDealer a happy bday!

-----

on another note, i got requests to update asap, so here i am. but i got to say, this book isnt going to be continued that much longer, im planning end it at around 60 chaps with a cute-happy-ending, so be prepared for some major fluff after they've got chan out of that hellhole! :)

--------------------------------------------------

seungcheol was nervously fiddling with his necklace, tracing his thumb over the words on the back of the feather and clutching it tightly. he was so scared for chan, what if he wasnt even alive anymore? what if he got sold? or is being held hostage somewhere?

suddenly, someone's arm was around his slumbed shoulder and the scent of jeonghan's sweet strawberry-shampoo filled his nose. "you okay?", the younger asked with a small smile, despite his own fear.
seungcheol nodded in an attempt to convince himself and jeonghan, but got cut off.

"i know you're not. do you want to talk? the others have already left, only hansol and seungkwan are down in the kitchen", jeonghan whispered, rubbing the older's back soothingly.

"what? they went home?" 

"see? you're clearly occupied with something. it was you who said goodbye to them!"

"oh", mumbled seungcheol, he really couldnt remember that anymore. maybe he really was getting lost in his own mind. sighing in defeat he finally gave up.
"yeah, im worried. chan's still not anywhere and i just want to alarm the police but if jihoon's right, i would just bring more trouble....but im so worried about him, what do you think happened to him? why him? do you think it has something to do with his 'jobs' jihoon talked about?"

"i dont know, cheol-hyung, i really dont know...but we'll find him, okay? we'll save him."

seungcheol nodded, finally letting go of his necklace he didnt even realize he had clutched even tighter, the metal cutting his skin and a tiny drop of blood now decorating the "CYJ" on its back. quickly wiping it away, seungcheol traced the lyrics of his brother's favourite song for one last time, before looking up and sending a weak smile in jeonghan's direction.
"i guess we will - some day."

"hmm." jeonghan's gaze was burning into the feather hanging around his hyung's neck. 

"who gave you this?", he stuttered out, pointing towards said object. he wasnt sure if it was too personal to be asked right now, but he had been wondering about it since he had first seen it. he wanted to know what happened to "CYJ" and - most importantly - why he chose such... dark lyrics. it surely had soemthing to do with seungcheol, and jeonghan wanted to learn more about the odler so desperately, he would take every chance he got.

seungcheol tensed for a moment, but breathed in deeply and hummed softly, taking off the neckalce. he carefully laid it down infront of them, looking at the lyrics.

"my brother - youngjae. he was 3 years older than me, my hero, my idol. he-he was perfect." a silent tear slipped down his face, but jeonghan was quick to wipe it away.

"you know, we used to be a happy family, my mother, my father, jae-hyung and me. nothing bad happened my whole life, just us, living the life of a happy family. like in some movies. jae-hyung was always there for me, helping me with my homework, playing with me, cuddling me when i was having nightmares. he always...he used to get up and lay down with me to cuddle me everytime it rained...i hate rain. and thunders. he was there, helping me and just- he understood me.

he was my hero, i wanted to be just like him. and that's no surprise - he was smart. so smart, he skipped one grade and started high-school one year earlier. he wanted to study and become a doctor, to help people.

jae-hyung wasnt just pretty on the outside. he- he was the kindest human i've ever met to this day. helping everyone, forgiving everyone and loving everyone with his whole heart. 

he got a girlfriend quite early, a Wonderful girl. aureum was cute, nice and polite - she used to draw jae-hyung and hang the drawings on the walls in her room. she really- she was so talented and like a big sister to me.

and i was stupid enough to believe everything. i was so dumb, i thought this was reality. i thought jae-hyung really was as...as happy and perfect as he appeared to be. he was never sad, always happy and here to help me....

aureum was always around him, kissing him and he always smiled at her like she was his whole world. i thought he had found true love, that he would grow old together with her and i would visit them and play with their cute little children....
i even told her this, and she laughed and said she would look for-forward to this. a week later, she gave me something as a birthday-present.
i was...i was so happy - she had drawn a picture of me, jae-hyung and her, on a bench infront of a lake, it looked so peaceful."

he sobbed for a few minutes, before calming down again and continuing, with jeonghan rubing his back and hugging him tightly.

"i didnt bother to look at it long enough. i wish i had, oh god, i regret this so much, to this day. but i only noticed weeks after-weeks after....

i only saw it weeks after jae-hyungs funeral. his-his funeral. it was one week after my birhtday, he had died 2 days before.

just like that, everything...everything shattered. they found him in his room, already bled out, with a note next to him and this necklace. he asked to-to give this to me...he wrote he had been planning to do this for-for a few years.

it was like...like a perfect bubble around us had suddenly burst. my mom became depressed. aureum took her life...three days after the funeral. she jumped from the rooftop of her school. my dad blamed himself. he started to drink.

and me...i was just filled with regret.

because i could have stopped him. i should've noticed something. i should have looked at aureum's painting closer, i should have noticed the tears she had drawn in jae-hyung's eyes. the small wounds on his neck, like something had cut him open. but i was too stupid, i only saw the idyllic landscape and our smiles, i didnt bother looking any further.

aureum also left a letter for me - she told me to not blame myself, but god, i blamed myself. she knew all along how much-how much jae-hyung hated himself, but she couldnt do anything. he didnt want to tell anyone, he refused her help and forbid her to speak about it. he even threatened her.

he-he told her he would kill her if she told anyone about his-his problems, the nights he spent crying and cursing himself. she wrote it all down in the letter. she told me how scared she was, hwo she hid the small hint in her painting she gave me.

i-i still hate myself for this whole thing, i should've noticed it.

but-but i fucked up. and now im responsible for the death of a hero, for the death of someone who didnt deserve any of this."

seungcheol traced the words on the feather with his thumb, smiling bitterly.

"he gave me this to remind me of how important self-love is. ironic, isnt it? he told me to love myself, something he never accomplied. something he couldnt even get himself to do."

"im so sorry", jeonghan whispered, placing a small kiss on the older's cheek, "but please dont blame yourself. it happened, and it was no one's fault. dont ever, ever think it was yours, okay?"

----------------

thanks for reading,

td7