|Issaiah Love|
I wake up and roll over seeing that Foreign's side of the bed is empty. My eyes go to the clock on my nightstand seeing that it's 4:00 in the morning. Getting up, I slide on my robe and go straight to his art room.
It has been three days since Foreign and I went to therapy and I have yet to tell him the big news. I still don't want to believe it myself but I have no choice but to accept it. Our lives are about to change forever in such a short amount of time.
"What are you doing up so early babe?" I walk over to him to look at his work. His arms wrap securely around me as he pulls me down on his lap. I run my hands through his hair and kiss his forehead.
"Couldn't sleep, got too much shit on my mind."
"You're still thinking about the therapy session?"
"Yeah, and I hate that we're back to arguing. I made you cry and I feel like an asshole." I rub my forehead and chew on my fingernail thinking about what to say.
"We're not trying to accept where each other is coming from. And I want to get it but I don't feel like me understanding where you're coming from is as important as understanding me."
"It may not be but that doesn't mean that I don't deserve to be understood."
"I don't want to argue about this. Lets just press pause and save this for therapy."
"So we're just going to shove our feelings down and pretend like we're cool and only bring it up in therapy?"
"You make it seem so robotic." I chuckle trying to refrain from getting upset.
"It is Issaiah, I have feelings that I can't just flip on and off."
"All I'm saying is lets make our home a neutral zone so we don't say shit that neither one of us will regret."
"Man aight." I roll my eyes wanting to just say fuck it and go back to bed. This is exactly why I don't want to talk about this without Dr. Morris as the mediator.
"Foreign come on, I don't want us to fuss right now."
"We're on pause right now remember. It's all good." He removes his arm from around my waist and goes back to his drawing. I sit there for a second trying not to be affected by his actions.
"So you're mad at me now?"
"Nah, I'm just over this conversation."
"Fine." I get up from his lap and start to make my way to the door. I wipe my eyes trying to keep my emotions under wraps and not cry.
"Issaiah."
"What Foreign?"
"Come on man, don't be pissed at me." I place my head down and shake it with my hand on the door.
"I don't want to keep on doing this. This back and forth shit is just going to result into a bad break up and I can't take that stress right now."
"You really think we're going to walk away from each other over a little disagreement."
"This isn't just a little disagreement. This is a phase in my life that can either make or break our relationship. And I don't want that to happen. I love you with my entire being, losing you would be losing a part of me." Foreign walks over to me and grabs my hand to get back in our previous position.
"Issaiah, we're going to work through this, we just need a little patience from each other. Aight." I just nod my head not wanting to continue on with this conversation. I feel like it's getting us nowhere.
