Fifty shades of Agreste

I SAID STOP!!!

I don't know for how long I was here in this dark basement. My crying was stopped and I even fell asleep in between. I was thinking about everything about past few days when the door opened. Adrein walked in and unchained me. I got up and walked out of this dark scary room. I  went to my room while Adrein was following me. I stood in middle of my room and again started crying and sniffing. I felt his hands making there way to hold or embrace me but I jerked him off and shouted "No! Don't fucking touch me". I looked at him while sniffing and he looking at me with a guilty face. He again tried to come near me by caressing my cheeks and kissed me but I pushed him away. "I want to change my decision, I don't want to be in this sexual relationship with you anymore." I said. "You can't" he said in a low voice. "Why I can't? you only told me that I can change my decisions whenever I want" I said angrily. "Because I don't want to" he said in a low voice looking at the floor. Then relization hit me and I said to him "This is what you want... you just want me so that you can do that with me" by this point my voice was breaking. "Mari..." while saying my name he again tried to come and hug me but I said again "Don't come near me". He started looking here and there, not trying to make eye contact. I started saying again "Does this give you pleasure... by fucking me" I said folding my hands and walking backward, away from him. He was staring continuosly at same place but then finally looked at me. "Don't you dare come near me" I said and fell on the bed turning into a ball and hugging my knees, still sniffing. Soon it started raining outside and loud thunders were heard. He was still standing at the same place, looking at the floor and I was still hugging my knees, sitting on my bed, sobbing. He finally made a move by walking and sitting on the edge of the bed. I lied down on the bed by my stomach and looked in the opposite direction of him. I was not at all ready to look at him. We were still silent other than my sobbing. I finally heard him saying "Please don't hate me". "You will never do that again to me.......... I am not what you want" I said sobbing. "No, you're everything that I want" he said.  We stayed silent again for few minutes but I decided to tell him. "I fell in love with you......... again" I said. I heard him breathing heavily at my back. "No, mari, you can't love me, atleast not me" he said his voice cracking. I tried to cover my sobs by covering my mouth with my hand. "I want you to leave" I said to him. I knew he was not ready to go so I requested him "Please". After a few minutes I heard the door open and after a long gap it was finally closed, making me realize that he was gone. I cried for some more time before drifting to sleep. 

Next day when I woke up, I thought that there is no point to be here anymore. I got up and went to bathroom and changed into the clothes in which I came here at my first day. I typed my resignation letter and emailed him. I picked up the phone, laptop and car keys that he gave me and took my old phone with me by placing it in my pocket and my purse with tikki inside it. Tikki didn't say a word because she was knowing I am not in a mood to talk. I went to his room and saw the door was already opened. I entered and saw him in his previous day clothes while sitting on couch and rubbing his hands. I put the phone, laptop and keys on his desk and looked at him. "I have emailed you my resignation letter" I said. He looked at me and I don't know what I saw in his eyes but he again started staring at the previous spot. "I'd like my car back" I said. "Gorilla already sold it" he said, not daring to look at me. It was still raining outside with loud thunders. I sighed and said "Then I'd like the money he got for MY car, please". "I will send you a check" he said. "Ok" I said. We stayed silent for few seconds but then he said "Gorilla will take you home". I didn't say another word and got out of his room. As soon as I reached the main door of the mansion I heard footsteps. I turned around and saw Adrein walking towards me. "Stop" I said. He didn't stop coming towards me so I shouted on him "I SAID STOP!". He finally stopped. I sniffed and turned to open the door. I got out and as I was closing the door he said "Mari...". "Adrein..." while saying his name I closed the door and went to sit in the car. Gorilla drived me to my apartment and I went inside. Alya wasn't home for few days luckily. I went to my room and fell on the bed. Why this has to happen? Why do I fell in love with him again? Why can't he tell me the truth? Why? Why? Why?

Why do I have to meet him again...

7 February 2020