all blood, no tears

how can you have parents but not really have them at the same time? *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I remember being a little girl and laughing at your silly jokes, your weird faces and your pranks. I remember how fun it could be having you around.

but dad, I don't remember a single moment where we had a meaningful conversation or a bond at all really. I remember the times of your addiction and the anger. I remember the hurtful things you would say. I remember the times when all you did was go to work and come back home just to isolate yourself or go to sleep. I remember countless times asking you to shoot baskets with me so that we could spend some time together and always hearing that you're too tired. I remember having you around but i don't ever really remember having a father.

and now, I know why i hide behind humor and i close the best parts of me off from everyone. now i know why i don't like getting close to people. its easier. i've always wanted nothing more than a close relationship with you. but all you've showed me was that you didn't care. and that's the only form of love i'm familiar with. the kind that doesn't really love at all.