all blood, no tears

i can promise if you knew me, you wouldn't want to stay *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

i cannot drop a spoon

or step on a creaky stair

without apologizing

loud voices still trigger panic attacks

and my hands shake during scary movies

i sleep with the door locked

curled as closely to the wall as possible

whenever i apologize

it still feels like

"please don't hurt me."

i can't stop the voices

that constantly scream how

troublesome and useless

my existence is

because i'm nothing special,

not beautiful,

not talented,

not funny,

not smart.

i'm just an average girl

destined for an average life

for meaningless experiences

and afflictive opportunities,

for big dreams

and unimportant death

and that terrifies me

a lot.