all blood, no tears

trauma *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

i struggle putting your trauma and my trauma in the same room

i want you to feel loved
but also,
i need a break from loving.

you ask me for a hug
and even though i am shivering

i hug you gently.
not full body hug
but close enough,
or at least i thought.

you lash out
you dont hug someone like that!

i'm not sure what to say
so i apologize
i tell you that holding you as tight
as you wish to be held is
just not an option for me right now.

i tell you that
i just need to breathe here
and maybe tomorrow i can fill all your needs.

this upsets you because you are unsure of what i mean.

there is still a barrier between us
language
and trauma

you still don't know what
"mum" means to you
versus what mum means to me.

i'm here but i'm human too, i have needs as well.