So Many Things I Want To Say

Chapter 1

[Eddy here please give me feedback on this chapter and if you want more so I know to post and publish more. Follow me on my Insta (@ HessaxHealer) to get updates and some Hessa edits as well. Enjoy my Fanfiction]

"Mom, I'm heading out!" yelling as I jump out the door. I was accepted to 'Yale' three years ago, I'm not sure if I am ready to move on yet, change has not always agreed with me. I am on the way to see Hardin, we have known each other since we were very young. He actually attends Yale we only see each other when the holidays roll around. Christmas is here and so is Hardin. I knock on his door a few times and his mother answered.

"Hi Tessa." She said in a sad voice. "Hardin isn't here." She looks down at my feet. The look on her face makes me worried.

"Did he stay back at school?" I say in confusion, she looks like she has been crying. "Mrs. Scott please tell me." I stand there questioning what is going on, she leans over and hugs me. I start to shake. Why isn't she saying anything?

"I think you should see for yourself, I don’t want you to get hurt. Take this address and go see him." Says wiping her tears. She hands me a piece of paper with an address and a room number. 2525 Kings hwy, Brooklyn, NY 11229, Room 45.

"Why? What happened?" I'm trying not to get angry or upset with her she looks as upset as it is. "Why can't you tell me?" She sits me down with her on the porch.

"He needs you,” she hold my hand trying to contain he tears. Why is she being so secretive? “I know not telling you is actually going to hurt you more because of the not knowing but Hardin is in the hospital. They transferred him from campus to here in Brooklyn.”

“Hospital?” I dropped her hand. “For how long? Did it just happen?”

“It’s been a week.”

"If he has been there for that long, why are you crying now? Like it just happened?"

"Because I new you would be coming to see him..." She puts her head down. "I know I am in the wrong from keeping this from you for so long... I just couldn't tell you.. It hurt so much."

I don't even think I can look at her. I stand up from the porch and walk away without a word.

I put the address in my GPS it is only a thirty-nine minute drive. I walk through the door.

"Mom! Mrs. Scott says I have to go see Hardin, he is in the hospital!" My mother walks out of the kitchen to greet me at the door. “Mom why aren’t you saying anything?” She stays quite.

"I know." She says looking away so I don't see the tears fall from her face. "I've known since It happened, I am not sure what actually happened but all I know is that he needs you by his side." She takes my hand as I pull away.

"You knew?!" I am filled with rage. My fist tightens. "Why didn't you tell me!? Why didn’t she tell me?" I shake in anger. "Mom! Answer me... Why didn't you tell me?!" I see her warm tears start to fall.

"Hardin's mom wanted to tell you herself."

"She didn't even tell me! All she did was give me an address! None of you get why I'm so angry! This isn't fair! He is my best friend, my heart, my life!" “He has been there for a week how did I not find this out?” “Was he planning on coming home early?”

She crosses her arms in discomfort. I grab my keys from the hook and walk out the door. I don't even know what to expect or how to feel right now I don't even know what happened to him.

Climbing into the car I sit there for a long while waiting for the tears to stop. I don’t know what to expect when I walk in. Will they let me see him? I want to see him, See him laugh. I pull out onto the intersection.

"Hardin, come on stop you know how I feel about that!" I laugh as he tickles me I push him off. Hardin smiles as he hugs me. His smile makes my heart skip a beat his warm hands holding me makes me melt. I feel him rub his fingers along the upper part of my arm sending chills down my spine.

"Come to Yale with me. I'm going to miss my best friend." He shoves me. I look at his sad eyes with his bottom lip pushing out wards. “Why did you send in an application if you don’t want to leave?” He pulls me in front of him, His piercing green eyes captivate me. 

"It's not like we aren't going to never see each other again. We will see each other every holiday and every summer, I applied because I wanted to be with you. He moves closer.

“It’s not like it’s an hour drive or anything. So why are you afraid to leave?” His hands are rubbing mine now.

“I didn’t think about it at the time. I am just not ready for change.” I look away from his eyes. He turns my head. “We will be together next summer what more do you want from me?” I giggle. Knowing full well what he wants.

 He smiles and holds me close, His lips come closer to my neck his breath begins to get heavy our breathing is in sink. His fingers rub my neck.

“I want…”

My eyes open back to reality when someone honks at me at a stop sign. The drive seemed long and tiring, I look to my right and see the hospital. So many questions are running through my head. Why is he here? Is he dying? What happened? All I want to know is that he is alive.

I walk into the building. The lady at the front desk looks warn down her eyes are heavy, her beautiful blonde curly hair falls so nice over her shoulders. "Can I help you?" her smile is perfect, her teeth are so white the sun could reflect off of them and blind someone.

"I'm here to visit Hardin Scott." I say with a shaky voice my hands are still sweaty my heart is racing a thousand miles a minute. What if she tells me no visitors? What if she tells me he's not here? Again so many questions I am so scared. She has a worried look on her face and calls over one of the nurses.

“Are you Tessa?” The second Lady asked me. She looks so young like my age.

“Yeah,” I say in confusion.

"Can you take Tessa to room 45 to see Mr. Scott?" The nurse nods her head and takes my hand. How did they know who I was?  

The halls are bright with tan boring walls, Wheel chairs and stretchers surrounded the halls making me uncomfortable, the nurse takes me to this dark brown door the numbers on the door were white on a blue strip the name on the wall was Hardin's. 

"Before I walk in, how did you guys know my name or who I was?" The nurse looks down at me, she looked about five foot eleven her eyes were blue that matched her scrubs. Her hair was dark brown that covered most of her face when she looked down at me. She tried to smile but I know it was fake.

"Mrs. Scott told us you would be coming, I'm so sorry you had to find out this way." Her eyes move to the ground as she walks away, I can't move, I want to cry... I want to scream. She walks away without telling me what is wrong. He is in the hospital, she is sorry? Is he dead? He can't be. He wouldn't be here if he was... I don't even want to think about that.

I don't know what to feel my body is frozen. I'm shaking trying to make sense of what she just told me. My hand won't move to the handle. Trying to bite my lip avoiding crying. Holding the tears back I open the door.