So Many Things I Want To Say

Chapter 9

Tessa:

Holding Hardin's right hand with my right and with my left on his head. My eyes are closed and I'm at the lake. I see gold light surrounding the area. I see Hardin sitting on the dock with... His Father.

I walk closer to them not sure if they will know I'm there. Is this where Hardin has been? His spirit is in his happy place, but with his dad? I get closer he looks happy. He hated his father; his father was a drunk and died in a bar fight. Maybe this might be different. I hear them talking.

"Dad why did you drink? I mean seriously." His father looked at Hardin with sad eyes. Hardins body tensed up.

"Your mother..." His smile quickly fades, he looks angry. Hardin gets angry very easily.

"Don't blame anyone but yourself." His hands clenched tight. "You can only blame yourself." His Father didn't answer.

Hardin? I try to say but nothing comes out. This is the clearest my image has been when healing someone. Seeing what is in their heads. Hardin is still very much aware. I try to move closer so I touch him, but I can't seem to even get close. Each footstep I take it seems like I am being shut out.

He shut himself down. No! My body is flying backwards I feel my feet sliding on the ground I try to stop myself. He cant win this. I finally stop I look around and see Hardin alone on his bed at his dorm room. I move closer, he is going to shut me out I just fell it. My connection is fading. I sit with him. He doesnt flinch as I sit.

His hands are covering his face. I want to hold him. I know there is nothing I can do but I can give him some peace or at lease try to. I put my hand on his shoulder, I cant feel him I cant speak to him. I can do is be here. It feels like hours have passed. Time doesnt move here. But sitting here with him in silence feels like a lifetime. Suddenly he moves to his feet.

I watch him as he paces the floor, I wonder what is going on.

Get out of my head! He grips his hair in frustration. He kneels to the ground I see his father appear again. He tries to go near Hardin, but he pushes him away. Go away dad. Hardins face looks at me I dont know if he can see me. He walks closer to me he looks around like he knows someone is there.

"Hardin, talk to me." He turns back to his father.

"Why should I talk to you?" His voice is dark. I try to grab him, but my hand doesnt reach him. As I stepped forward. My body flies backwards again, I open my eyes. "No!" I start to breathe heavy my chest is rising.

"Tessa?" My mother puts her hand on my shoulder. I begin to cry again.

"He, Shut off." I take my hands to my face.

"What do you mean?" Hardin's mom asked with concern.

"His Father." Those were the only words that came out of my mouth. She kept quiet she moved her hands to her mouth in shock.

"What..." She pauses. "What did they say?" She starts to tear.

"I couldn't hear much." I lie. Hardin. Looked so hurt. I wish I was able to get through to him.

Hardin always laughed at me when it came to me doing Reiki. But he knew he loved it. I smile I hide it. I remember when Hardin would take my hands and put them on his head so gently and he would smile when I would touch it. I slowly put my hand on his head. "Baby, I'm right here." Steph walks in.

"Tessa, can I talk to you?" She comes and takes my hand. She takes me into the hall. "We have to take him in for an MRI. After going through his react screening it is showing signs of internal bleeding in his brain, we want to do another scan to make sure that we dont have to do a surgery." I want to fall to the floor.

"Why are you telling me?" She takes my hand.

"It may be a fatal surgery, I wanted you to know first." I can't breathe, I feel like my heart stopped. If you tell Mrs. Scott it may be a lighter blow.

"So, he may die?" The tears finally start to fall. I was biting my lip trying to stop crying I must be strong. She takes my hand waiting for my tears to stop falling to tell Mrs. Scott.

We will take him in for the MRI and come back with the results to schedule a surgery.

Tears started to fall from her eyes soaking her face. I know he will be fine. They took Hardin out of the room. I squeezed her hand trying my hardest to be strong for her. Knowing that he will be fine, I know it. I walked out I feel like he is going into surgery. I start to follow Steph.

"Can I get a moment with him?" Steph tells the doctors and nurses to step away. I put my mouth close to Hardin's ear. "Hardin... Listen to me, if you make it out of this, no when you get out of this, I am here waiting for you." I lay a kiss on his lips. Steph comes back over and hugs me close.

"I will keep you updated." As they took him away, I fall to my knees. Hardin's mom came up behind me kneeling onto the ground holding me close crying with me.

"Will he be okay?" I say with my tear-soaked face.

"Tessa," she looks at me, "he will be fine, they are just doing a scan, nothing will go wrong." She lies while the tears cover her face.

"You can tell me the truth mom." I grew up calling her mom.

"I don't know the only one that knows is God. God knows what to do." I hold her hand. Now we wait.