So Many Things I Want To Say

Chapter 14

Two Week Later:

Hardin still hasn’t awoken from his induced sleep. The doctors had to put him back into an induced coma due to his heart. The surgery caused complications so they had to put him under once again so he can heal.

Something is off and I am going to find out.

Steph hasn’t spoken to me since the surgery, Molly and Steph spoke before he went into surgery, I knew something was going to happen. My friendship was short lived. Trish came in with coffee.

“Tessa, sweetie go home, go shower you’ve been here for three weeks.” I know I have but I need to be here when he wakes up. She looks at me with sad eyes when I don’t answer. “Tess.” She hands me a coffee. “He would tell you to go home.” No! With one look she gives me the mother look. “Go home.” I stand and give Trish a hug.

"Thank you." I smile and walk out with my coffee; I see Steph at the end of the hall as I step out of Hardin’s room.

Everything stopped moving as she came into view.

She walks over to me with a smile. She has a shiny new hoop in her noes on the left nostril, her hair is newly curled and laying on her shoulders. Her skin got a little darker do to fake tan, I think…

“Tessa?” She comes over trying to look like she cares. “I know I seemed like I was mad at you, but I was just going through something…”

“Molly.” I say with no emotion. Even her name makes me sick when I say it, its like lighting my tongue on fire.

“No… I just… okay I can’t make things sound any better I am just digging myself a deeper hole.” I look at her trying to stay firm. “I know she was with Hardin, but look…”

“No, you look.” I cross my arms showing that I mean business. “You know how I feel about Hardin, you know that I want to be with him, and you go and do this to me.”  I bite the inside of my mouth holding back my tears. “I thought you were my friend?”

“I am.” She tries to hug me. I pull at her touch. My skin crawled at the felling of her skin. She thinks touching me and trying to hug me will make it all better she is wrong. What she did was not what friends do.

“No, my friend would be sitting with me telling me that Hardin ‘Our friend’ is okay that he will make it out of this, not sharing him with someone else who just wants him for sex,” I am crying now.

“Tess…” The words try to leave her mouth, but they don’t make it to her lips.

“No, Steph leave me alone.” I walk away from her, each step away from her hurt a little less. I know walking away was the right thing.

Home seemed further then it should.
“Tessa? I didn’t think you would be home.” My mother greats me at the door.

“Trish sent me home.” I pass her walking right up our stairs I didn’t even take off my shoes, so careless of me. I know I’ll hear an ear full later. I lay down on my bed thinking about Hardin. What if he wakes up and I’m not there? What if Molly is there and not me? I walk into the bathroom gently pulling my clothing off and laying it on the floor of the bathroom. The floor is cold under my feet it sends shivers up my spine.

I step into the shower without waiting for the water to heat up. I close my eyes the water starts to heat up on my cold skin. I feel his touch, his fingers slowly running up and down my arm, moving his fingers to my neck making my skin shiver. I want to feel his kiss, his lips on mine. Just to be able to see his deep green eyes.

I end up sitting on the shower floor my mother knocked a few times then walked away. "I’m fine." I say, That’s all I say now, I’m fine. The not knowing is killing me. I saw him two weeks ago; he said my name… we kissed. I want to kiss him again. With the shower going I didn’t know that I was crying the water mixed with tears.