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|november 22, 4:03 pm| "he didn't tell me he'd be here" i raise my eyebrows at nia when i enter her kitchen. i glance through the window and see him sitting out back with nate and sam, all three with a beer in their hand. "well actually, he hasn't told me anything the past two day... he's been 'busy'" i tell her with a scoff. "he definitely hates me now... why'd i have to tell him?" i whine, wanting to take it all back and just restart that whole moment. i should have acted happier and asked him more about how his day went and his music rather than jumping straight into it. that probably would have been smarter. i wonder if we'd still be in this awkward and dreadful phase. he hasn't said a word to me other than 'good morning', 'goodnight', or 'i'll be back'. my assumption is he's either back at johnsons all the time or he's over here with sammy.
"you had to tell him eventually cindy... just be glad that parts over with and now you get to live through the experiences on your journey to becoming a mother" nia smiles, trying to cheer me up. "what did you and sammy do? like how did you guys deal with it?" i ask, looking over at sophia as she sits in her high chair next to nia. "kind of how you are..we were scared but as the months went on, we were completely fascinated with everything about it. it's a beautiful experience.. and look at the outcome!" she smiles over at sophia. "who could say no to that?" she chuckles. "you'll love it i promise. it's something you definitely will not regret"
"i was thinking last night... this actually could be really good. i'm not regretting it, i'm just surprised you know? like i thought i'd be way older and everything.. i'm just nervous. what if i'm not a good mom? and on top of that, jack won't even talk to me so it's making me worry that he won't even be in the picture." i ramble on about how i feel. "you're literally the smartest and most responsible person i know. if i can do it, i know you can. i really believe you'll be a good mom. i don't have a doubt about it... and jack? just give him some time or try and talk to him later tonight about it." she reassures me. "i'm just so nervous he'll leave me. it's all been so great." i wince. "he loves you, he will not leave you. that's not who or how jack is" she shakes her head.
"well... i hope you know, i definitely will have a ton of questions for you throughout the next nine months" i laugh, changing the subject since i don't want to even think about that anymore. it's just too stressful to imagine. "and i'll be here to answer every single one of them" she smiles, getting excited about it. i let out a small sigh followed by a squeal. "can you believe i'm really going to be a mom?" i laugh a little at my position. "i mean, i thought i was going to be ready for it when i had a baby and all prepared... i'm no where near that" i add making her chuckle and shake her head. "you will never.. and i mean never, be prepared or ready for a baby. they're just too unpredictable but, it's nothing you can't handle. it's really not bad at all" she answers, causing me to look over at sophia. "can i ask you something?"
