Take Me to Euroheaven

SCENE 20

INT. THE EURO CLUB - NIGHT

David and Ali are alone, looking at the picture.

ALI

This is horrible. I look like a maniac.

DAVID

Your hair looks good though.

Ali glares at David. Matt comes along.

MATT

I've been looking for you guys. Apparently Ani left after meeting some crazy fan. Did you see her?

ALI

No.

DAVID

(at the same time) Yes.

MATT

Anyhow, let's table that. I have big news. David, you will to shit your pants.

ALI

(mocking) But he didn't even eat Indian.

DAVID

(to Ali) You cooked that!

MATT

Valerie is here!

DAVID

(in French) Oh shit!

MATT

She is about to go on!

The boys run to the stage. Just as they arrive, Valerie walks on with a huge cheer from the crowd. David screams.

VALERIE

What's up Euro Club!

People cheer with excitement. David screams again.

VALERIE

You look gorgeous! Someone told me the best thing about Eurovision are the fans and you know what? They were ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!

She gets another huge cheer from the crowd.

VALERIE

For those of you who don't know, my name is (singing to Volare's melody) Vaaa-le-rie! Ooo-ooh!

People laugh and sing along.

VALERIE

Cantare! O-o-ooh! Yes, that's right! Actually I did cantare for Eurovision before, did you know?

DAVID

1998!

David notices GUY (29) watching him carefully.

VALERIE

I tried to represent the UK just as I started my career. It didn't happen, but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. Because, look at this!

Video of Valerie singing in 1998 comes on screen. Her clothes and hair are terrible, the dance moves are ridiculous. People laugh.

DAVID

I saw this! I knew about this!

David realizes Guy is still watching him.

VALERIE

It is very important to be able to laugh at yourself. But it's even more important to promote your latest song! Let's go!

A remix of Valerie's Eurovision song starts to play and everybody starts dancing. David notices Guy is approaching.

DAVID

This guy checking me out is walking this way.

MATT

So what? There's more checking out here than there will be at all the Budapest hotels on Sunday.

DAVID

That was kind of forced.

ALI

Don't worry, I've got you.

Guy arrives but he is interrupted by Ali before he can talk.

ALI

Sorry man, he's not interested.

GUY

(to David) You don't want to meet Valerie?

David pushes Ali out of the way immediately.

DAVID

What?

GUY

Give me your number. I'll get you to meet her. I know a real fan when I see one.

The guys are shocked.

GUY

This is what I do for her.

MATT

How do we know you're legit?

GUY

You don't.

MATT

(to David) I'm convinced.

DAVID

OK. I've heard that she does this.

Guy hands his phone to David. Valerie keeps on singing.