JOURNEY || JinKook ☑️

TWENTY EIGHT - GRATITUDE

Jin

I did not realize that I drifted off to sleep. I am awakened by the sudden silence in the room. I am used to sleeping with the TV on. The last thing I saw was Jungkook's back walking out of Soobin's bedroom.

Soobin is fast asleep. I grabbed my phone that fell on Soobin's bedside to take a look at the time. And I confirmed that I fell asleep because it's already 1 in the morning.

I carefully shift on the bed and place Soobin's head on the pillow. Tucking him in the blanket. He did not even move and I'm happy I did not disrupt his sleep.

I walk slowly, making sure not to make any noise, out of his bedroom. The lights are out and I noticed Jungkook's bedroom door is open. I take a peek and knock calling out his name.

"Jungkook?" I dared to step inside. Perhaps, he's inside the bathroom as I can see the lights from the frosted glass panels of his bathroom door.

But a frame hanging on the wall caught my attention. It's not a painting or a portrait or an abstract. When I take a closer look, they are collections of handwritten letters neatly arranged inside a white wooden frame.

My curiosity got the best of me. I move closer so I can read what kind of letters are those and I immediately felt a heavy feeling in my heart. They were Ken's handwritten letters for Jungkook.

"He wrote it for me."

I turned my face and saw Jungkook staring at the framed letters. An apathetic smile across his face. He points to a letter and his face lights up.

"This was the first letter he left on my bedside table."

As I read it, I noticed Ken leaving his wallet and getting only five-hundred dollars for his monthly rent. And it confuses me.

"He's a stripper."

My head turns to him. It sounded shameful but my eyes have loads of questions and I know he noticed. Jungkook, with a bottle of beer in his hand, sits down on the edge of the bed. His eyes never leaving the framed letters.

"I met Ken in a stag party of a friend. He was a dancer and he lap dance in front of me. It was too fast, we ended up in bed that night. He left a letter informing me that he did not get the money I gave him and just got enough for his rent. There, I learned he was a student and it hit me. I had sex with a student.

He was like a drug to me. I had that feeling of wanting to see him again. I called the club where he was working and I proposed for him to work for me exclusively.

It's not just about sex. I wanted to save him from hopping from men to men. I offered to send him to school but he refused. He told me he doesn't want a donation, he wanted to work hard for money. It all started from there. I fell madly in love with how pure, how loving, how caring Ken was. Aside from the obvious reason that he was handsome.

But fate had another plan for us. He went into hiding. He was pregnant with my child. It's all because of my mom. And before I forgot, he became Taehyung's boyfriend."

That made my eyes got wider. "Taehyung?!"

Jungkook smiled lazily. I can sense the sorrow in his face and his voice. "We fell in love with the same man. To make the story short, we met again but it was too late. He was dying of cancer."

Jungkook begins to cry. His voice failed him. I saw how his shoulder slumped, his head bowed low and his hands clasped on the bottle. He's crying and my heart hurts seeing him like that.

"I thought adding more tattoos in my body can help ease the pain I am feeling but the pain in my heart is too strong that even physical pain cannot cure it.

He died in my arms. His head here in my shoulder. He told me I am his greatest love. It's so painful Jin. Everything is so unfair. It's so unfair I wasn't able to spend time with him. I have so much to offer to him. I love him. I love him so much."

I sit down beside him. I'm not sure how to make him feel better. I am good at handling a child but I'm not good with older men.

"I don't know how to make you feel better. I know how it feels to lose someone we love. But at least, Ken left something for you to cherish while you're still alive. He left you with a little piece of him. You have Soobin. You're still lucky.

And me, I have no one. An asshole cheated on me, kidnapped my son and my son died. It's the most painful feeling I have ever felt in my life. I thought that man leaving me at the altar was the most painful one but it's not. It's burying my child."

I felt his hand holding mine. His thumb rubbing my knuckles. Our eyes met and we are both in tears. Somehow it feels good when we're sharing our pains to others.

The next thing I felt is his arms wrapped around me. He is crying hard on my shoulder, I can feel my shoulder wet with his tear. His chest vibrating against mine and all I can do is to hug him tight. To at least make him feel that he's not alone.

It feels awkward after. We're standing in the living room and we can't look at each other. It's already half past three and I'm feeling a little groggy but my eyes went wide when I saw him holding another bottle of beer.

"Can you stop drinking?" I grabbed the bottle from his hand that left him surprised. "It won't do you any good. It won't make you forget. It will only give you temporary relief. Just shower and sleep. But please, give me a blanket. I want to sleep now."

"You can use the guest room. Don't sleep there on the sofa." Jungkook said walking towards the door beside his bedroom.

The room is huge. A little smaller than his bedroom but huge for a guest room. "The cabinet has a new set of clothes. You can take a shower before you sleep. No need to wake up early tomorrow. Just rest."

"Thanks." I smiled.

He stared at me while biting his lower lip. "Thank you." His words are clear and he maintained eye contact with me. He's sincere in saying that.

I don't know how to react. From the time I met him, he never appreciates my hard work. He is always annoyed at me. Well, we're always bickering because I am annoyed at him too. But I hope, through our pains, I hope somehow, we can be friends.

Because I like him.

A lot.