A ROYAL SURPRISE

🎀Chapter 5🎀

" It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."

-Andre Gide

*~*~*

Pregnancy for some people is a blessing. When they are married and they want a child, a child to show of the importance of their unity. A child to bond everyone together.

When they are in a relationship and they don't really plan for a child, but the triple P: Protection, Pills, Pull out game, didn't happen to work. They accept the baby anyway, happy with it, and ready to adjust their lives to accomodate another child.

Others, it doesn't work that way. None of them want it. They abort. It's so easy for some people to throw the life of an innocent child away in order to not carry the burden and hustle of having a child unprepared.

Others like myself, where it isn't easy to live your life each day thinking there would be blood on your hands. Where you would never be able to get rid of the guilt, so you accept it even though you don't want it.

I don't want to be that woman. That mother, who didn't give her child the oppurtunity to live. The one who didn't give their child the chance to see life and live it as it is because of my irresponsibility.

So even though is going to mess me up, I'm going to have the baby. I've yelled enough. I've thrown things around enough. All the glass materials and objects in this house are shattered and broken, just like my heart and soul. At a point I had to clean them up in order not to hurt myself. And it was easy. Because if you're to look at it now, you wouldn't even think that there were once broken glasses around. But can I clean up my body from all the dirt I feel? No. Why? Because I feel the dirt right deep inside me. Can I pick up the pieces of what's left of my heart? No. Why? Because it'll never be the same again. Can I have enough rest and be fully strong? No. Why? Because it's my soul that's tired. But can I give this child a life? Take care of it? Be the mother and the father? Yes. Why? Because I'm like fuck it. I've always loved kids anyway. And maybe I wasn't in agreement during the making of this baby, but this baby is innocent and I'm going to love it with all that I have. Because honestly, it's the only thing I have now. Since my mom has decided to disown me.

For the past two days I've been bulging my eyes out and crying. Asking the same question over and over and over again. Why? With no one there to answer these questions. This baby is all I have. And maybe it's all I'm going to have for a while, so I'm ready to be a mother to a child that I somewhat hate but I'm ready to love. That makes absolutely no sense at all, but for the sake of my sanity and what's left of my life, I'm going to try and let it make sense.

I take a shower. Something I've not done in a long while. I wash away the dried tears in my face, and scrub my body and shampoo my hair. Ready to pick my self back up because if I don't, no one else is going to. At twenty, I know life can get hard. I learnt that when I was seventeen and I was leaving home for college. As a child who skipped a grade because I was smart, I had to learn the hard way to leave on my way in the dorm rooms with no mom to comfort you on the days the nights got cold. Of course that is nothing compared to what I'm going through now and the mom in question has abandoned me but yet still, it's hard life and it was painful and it is excruciating now.

I rummage through my closet, pulling out a cashmere sweater and some sweatpants. I pull my wet hair into a bun and pick up my phone. Heading out of my bedroom, I decide to make Alfredo pasta since I don't feel for breakfast, besides, I don't eat for me alone anymore. These are one of those things, getting yourself ready for a baby and getting your life adjusted in a way that would be comfortable for the baby and not you. Not me. My life is not mine anymore and it would never be for me for the rest of my life. I always thought and fantasized, even as a girl who wasn't interested in relationships and a new adult who didn't get any interests from the opposite sex, I always thought that if I was going to have a baby, it would be with the man I love and even though it was a huge responsibility, it wouldn't be that hard because I had someone. That thought is buried in the coffin because of course, I have no one. Apart from this baby, where I take care of it and no one takes care of me.

Deciding I don't really have much to do anyway, I binge watch Netflix, since I've fallen in love with Orange is the New Black.

The shrilling ringtone of my phone wakes me up from my slumber. When did I even fall asleep?

An unknown number. Who must this be?

"Hello sister" The high pitch voice of my elderly sister, Scarlett, rings through my ears

How is she able to even contact me? The last time I remember, I blocked her red evil arse. As evil and as red as her name.

Scarlett.

After dad died, she left to go live her own life. She claimed she was going in search for "Greener pastures", as though her life was totally wasted with mom, dad and I. Either way, she's never been one to stay.  She's always on and off. Her family is like an unstable relationship to her, one that she returns to whenever she needs a good fuck. And in this case, whenever she needs money or somewhere to sleep.
She always treated the house like a motel, coming in when she was tired from a long journey which was her messed up life and leaving without as much as a single word before everyone woke up after we had fed her the previous night before. Other people had siblings, and I had one, but I didn't. I had gotten to accustomed to life without her as though she didn't exist until she popped up, that sometimes when I was asked how many children my parents have, I tended to say I was an only child before remembering what a slip of tongue that was. And I don't even try to correct myself or tell those people I've deceived them. I look at pictures of sisters and brothers online and it hurts so much, when you have a sibling but you don't even know what it feels like to have one. Except the one who insults your parents and comes back when she wants and goes back when she wants, and sometimes your blood is boiling but all you can do is stare.

"What do you want Scarlett?" I ask dismissively, getting my head out of dark places. Why did she even call me?!

"Oh don't sound so bored. I just decided to be my sweet self and call to congratulate you on your unborn bastard"

Mum!

"Now listen to me you evil red bitch. My baby is not a bastard, you are. So the next time you decide to call someone's baby names, look yourself in the mirror first. And don't you ever call me again. I don't need your congratulations" I say and hung up, blocking this phone number as well

I immediately call my 'mom' afterwards

"What do you want? Haven't I already told you not to get close to me? You're not my daughter anymore. Stop trying to beg me for forgiveness"

I chuckle sourly, "That is where you are wrong Auriana" I say to her, using her first name since she says I shouldn't call her mom

"I didn't call to beg your for forgiveness. Quite the contrary, I just called to let you know, that if you have decided to disown me, then leave my life for me. You have absolutely not right to call Scarlett and start blabbering. The last time I checked she was the 'Wicked Witch of the West Side' in your books and you wanted nothing to do with her, so calling her and gossiping about me is low, even for you. No?" I bellow and hung up, not waiting for her reply

What a bunch of bitchasses!

Checking the clock, it's 5:00pm. Time flies so fast nowadays. Not feeling like making dinner, I walk to my room, changing into a pair of jeans and making my way to burger king.

I need some fries!

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Until we meet again next chapter,
- Sam.