Her Light - His Darkness✔

Chapter 12

"Logan, what is all this? Who's doing this to you? Is this the first time you've received something like this?"

Silence greets him, I stare wide-eyed at him, I don't know how to answer him, the truth isn't an option, I barely know him, the last two people I trusted with my secrets are gone, the only people, I ever confided in or ran to, to vent are both gone, I can't tell Christian the truth, he'll be gone, too. I can't do that to Gabby, she is so fond of him, it would destroy her if he left as well.

I can't do that to Lan, I promised him, I would never have what we had again, he was my confidante, he would be the person I run to about something like this... but he was... gone, before this started happening, I wish my life could go back to how it was before, I wish it could go back to being simple, joyous, and full of love and happy moments with my whole family, Landon and Kristy, I wish I still had Kristy...

*** Flashback ***

Four years ago,

30th June 2015.

I tape the last box for my bedroom, packing up your bedroom that you practically grew up in, is no easy feat, but I have to do this, I can't spend any more time in this house than I already have to.

Sometimes when it's really quiet, it's almost as if I can hear my parents' hushed laughter, or Melissa and Melanie's little foot falls as they try sneaking around the house when it's their bedtime, we all knew what they were doing, we would watch them sometimes while stifling our laughter and have a fat laugh about it the next day at breakfast.

I don't bother wiping the tears falling down my face, I don't try hiding the purplish, black under my eyes anymore from the sleepless nights, I just don't care about it.

Why did I have to survive the crash? I ask myself this question, a lot...

I had a shard of glass in my head and the funniest of it all is, it missed all the major arteries, I was one of the lucky ones, so the doctor said, how could I be lucky?

The doorbell rings unexpectedly giving me a fright, I feel a stinging pain in my hand, "shit," when I look down, I realize while I was lost in my memories, I gripped the pair of scissors in my hand so tightly that it cut me, the doorbell sounds again, and I rush down the stairs, a tissue pressed firmly to the cut.

"Hey, hi, Lo," warm, brown eyes greet me, but widen in horror at the bloody mess my hand is.

"What happened?" Kristy shrieks, "nothing," I wave my uninjured hand dismissively, "it's just a cut, it was an accident."

Kristy looks around at the boxes piled up in the foyer, and her face falls, "why Logan?" I avoid making eye contact, knowing exactly what she's asking me, "why didn't you tell me you were moving already? I thought we had two months to prepare for this, together," she whispers.

"I can't stay in this house, okay!" I yell, I feel the familiar stinging behind my eyes again, Kristy looks taken aback at my sudden outburst.

"We had a plan, Lo, you're going to UCLA, I'm going to study abroad in Paris, we were supposed to leave the same day, when did the plans change? When did you decide to go without saying goodbye?" Her soft voice raising slightly.

"When my parents fucking died! When my whole world fucking changed and left me a broken, sobbing, wreck!" I scream in her face, my breath coming out fast, I see her expression change from sorrow to anger and what comes out her mouth next is something I never expected my best friend to say, especially not to me.

"Logan," she shakes her head and scowls at me, "with the amount of people you already lost, can you really afford to lose anymore?" The moment the words come flying out her mouth, I see the regret on her face, in her eyes, "Oh my God," she smacks her hand over her mouth, "I-I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry, Lo!" Kristy begins sobbing, "get out," I say through gritted teeth.

"Lo, please," she sniffles.

"GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!" I scream as loud as I can, pointing at the door. She scrambles to the door, "Lo?" She tries again once she's outside and without missing a beat, I slam the door in her face.

My knees buckle under me and I'm once again left alone in a sobbing, broken mess on the cold hard floor.

*** End of flashback ***

That was the last time, I ever saw her or spoke to her, she tried phoning, she tried texting, but I ignored her calls, letting them go unanswered, deleted her texts without giving it a read, I wish things turned out differently, I replay our last conversation over and over again, wondering what I could have done differently.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts again by the sound of Christian's voice, "Logan?" I look at what seems to be worry on his face and something tugs at my heart, he can't possibly be worried about me, I mean why would he be?

"It's a prank, nothing to worry about," I force out a laugh, taking the photos from his hands, I put the photos away in my bedside table, my back turned to him, I feel his eyes burning a hole through my head, I turn around to face him and I can see the gears turning.

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Sure," Christian follows me silently to the kitchen, "a couple of months ago, I brought you your cell back, do you remember what you asked me?"

"No, do you?"

"Yes, you asked me if I was the one sending you 'those letters' this isn't the first time you've received something like that and it isn't a fucking prank, is someone stalking you? Threatening you and Gabs?" Hearing a cuss word coming from his mouth is so foreign.

I make the mistake and turn around to look at him, he is right behind me, our eyes connect, the intensity in his eyes pulling me in and for this first time I notice a brown swirl around his irises, I see light freckles coating his cheeks, the proximity between us feeling electrified, my heart picks up speed all of a sudden, I can feel it pounding, hear it beating erratically in my ears, can he hear it, too? I let my eyes fall to his lips, wondering if they feel as soft as they look.

I look back to Christian's eyes, his pupils dilated as he stares at my lips and back to my eyes, the air becoming charged as he slowly begins to move closer, I follow suit.

I feel his breath on my lips, our breaths mingling together, we move simultaneously, our lips mere inches apart, my lips begin to tingle in anticipation...

A loud dinging noise sounds throughout the kitchen, the coffee maker signalling it's ready, making me jump away from Christian, "how many sugars?" I question, trying my best to sound as casual as possible, "I should get going."

That happened so unexpectedly, so suddenly...

"I'll walk you to the door," we both avoid making eye contact, the awkwardness hanging in the room being ignored, our previous conversation long forgotten.

"Thanks again for today."

"Don't mention it, goodnight, Logan," he begins walking down the pathway as I watch his retreating back, "goodnight, Christian," he looks back at me and smiles. I slide down the locked door and bury my face in my hands.

What the fuck did I just do?

Even though the kiss didn't happen, I wanted it to happen, I wanted to feel his lips against mine, I wanted to have that connection again...

I want to have that connection again... with Christian.

I run my finger along my lips, remembering the tingling, I felt, committing it to memory, this is just lust, desire. It has been years since I last kissed somebody, felt someone's caress, had someone's hands roaming my body...

The familiar feeling of guilt slowly begins creeping into me, and for once, I push it to farthest, darkest confines of my mind and heart. I focus on the lingering, tingling sensation on my lips instead, and the desire I felt not so long ago, and for the first time in four years, I feel something, something other than guilt.

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