Her Light - His Darkness✔

Chapter 18

The scalding water beats down on my tense muscles slowly easing away some of the tension. How could I have been so fucking careless; this is the reason I don't let anyone close to me.

If I wanted anyone knowing what was going on in my life, I would've told Michelle and Bradley, I would've involved as much people as I can, but I didn't.

I didn't want anyone involved in my messy fucking life.

I've lost so many amazing people in my life, I just... I just can't afford to lose anymore...

Who knows what this nameless, faceless, gutless person is capable of, for now it's just threatening letters, maybe it'll stay like that, maybe it'll escalate, and if that happens I can't afford more people close to me getting hurt because of me... Again.

A sudden knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts, "yeah?" I close the water and the tension rolls back into my aching muscles, "we're gonna be in the living room, should I wait for you?"

I need a few moments to pull myself together before I face everyone including their parents.

"You go ahead, I'll find my way Chris. Thank you though."

Gabby, she's on the top of my list. I need to protect her no matter what, there are so many wonderful people looking out for her already, and I know if something were to happen to me, she'll heal and be taken care of. Gabby is her own source of light; she will thrive and shine no matter what.

I don't even want to think of what I'd do if I let something happen to her. She has become my entire world since the moment I was made her legal guardian.

A sudden sadness creeps into me just at the thought alone, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Perhaps I should tell Chris and Ava... no I can't do that, I care too much about them to involve them. I shake my head squeezing my eyes shut trying to force the thoughts to the back of my mind where I can forget about them. I focus on the black tiles lining the bathroom floor, the longer I stare the more I notice the small specks of white across the bathroom.

I remove the white towel from around my hair pulling a brush through my knotted strands.

Christian has somehow managed to worm his way into my life, into my thoughts and into my heart. I couldn't stand him when I just met him. He reminded me of everything I lost...

The ability to smile and mean it...

The carefree, joyous laughter that used to come pouring out of me nonstop.

The ability to trust and allow another person close to you without a worry.

A positive attitude so strong that everyone around you feels it and thrives off that energy.

And lastly, the ability to love...

Whether it be yourself or another.

Eventually I realized I had no reason to dislike him, slowly but surely, he started melting the ice barricade I put in place to protect the already broken pieces of my heart that remained.

When Christian smiles at me, my chest flutters.

When his hand lightly brushes against mine, my heart beats faster.

When his amber eyes roam my body, it leaves a trail of heat.

Christian makes me feel... alive, free... more like myself...

I don't know when it happened, I'm not even sure of how it happened, but I'm only now starting to realize how much Chris means to me. He's slowly picking up the broken pieces of my heart and building it back up to its original structure.