What Now

29. Closure

I could sense Sean's frustration and fear when he looked to Caffrey. "What's the plan?" 

Before Caffrey could speak, Michael jumped in. "What the hell do you mean, 'what's the plan'? There shouldn't be a plan. Not one that includes my sister going to meet this bastard face to face." 

Caffrey seemed even more frustrated than Sean and Michael. "We can't keep arguing about this! For fuck's sake, we need to do what we can to catch this guy and this is our best shot!" 

Michael had an incredulous look on his face. He ran his hands through his hair and came to stand in front of Sean. "And you!" He pushed at Sean's chest. "You're just going to let her do this? Are you insane? I thought you love her!" 

"Michael--" I tried to get between them, but they were locked into each other. 

"Mike, back off!" Sean hollered. "I don't like this either. I wish I could go instead of her. You think I want her in danger? I took two fucking bullets for her!" 

My heart was pounding in my ears. This was getting out of control. Everyone was yelling and speaking for me and I was starting to get pissed off. "Everyone, quiet!" I yelled. They all looked towards me and I let out a long breath. Where was I going to begin? I looked to Caffrey. "Can you give us a minute, please?" 

After Caffrey left the room, it was only Michael, Sean, Maria, and I. I paced a little before I faced them. I needed to get a lot off my chest. There were things they needed to hear and I needed to say them. "I need all of you to be quiet for a minute. All of you." 

I ran my hands through my hair before I looked at my brother. "Michael, I know you're worried about me doing this. Rightfully so. But I need to do this. I need to." I looked at each of them. "All three of you know what my father has done to me. Yes, I was able to send him to prison, but I never got the closure I needed when it came to everything he put me through." I turned to my mom and clasped her hands in mine. "Mom, I don't ever want you to feel guilty about what happened to me. You were a teenager. An innocent. Besides that, you had no idea what he would do and no control over someone else's actions. I don't blame you. For anything." 

I gave her a hug before I smiled at Michael. "We've had our differences, haven't we?" 

His serious expression finally broke and his mouth twisted in a half smile. "Yeah, we have." 

"I'm so happy that you and I have gotten close again. Hopefully Alex comes around and we can be real siblings again. I know you're worried about me, but Caffrey is right. This is our best option. You guys know that I will have protection. Caffrey will have cameras on me, I'll have an ear piece--"

"I want you to wear a vest," Sean interrupted. His voice was rough and full of emotion. 

I cupped the side of his face with my hand. "Of course, I will."

"I'm coming with you, Lydia," Maria stated. "To the meet." Before I could interrupt her she added, "If I know him like I think I do, it will help our chances if I'm there with you. But we have to act like we weren't expecting him there. If we don't act surprised, he'll know that it's a setup and it could blow this whole thing." 

As much as I didn't want Maria putting herself in harm's way, I understood why she wanted to be there. Even though she didn't say it out loud, I knew she needed some closure of her own. He screwed with her life just like he did mine. "Okay," I said to her. 

Sean stepped away and started pacing in the back of his office. I knew he didn't want me doing this, even if I had all the protection in the world. But I had to. I needed to put my father, and my past, behind me. Once and for all. I was tired of this hanging over me. I wanted it gone and forgotten. I wanted to be happy and enjoy my life. Most of all, I wanted the nightmares to stop. I let out a deep breath as I glanced over at Sean before I looked back to my mom and brother. My family.