What Now

35. Safety Off

"How long are you keeping us here?" I asked again. We've been here, in Jonathon's hotel room, for hours. I wanted to leave. I wanted Sean I wanted..."Answer my question!" I screamed at him. My patience was growing thin with this man. I was scared. For both Maria and myself.

He turned to me with a sneer. His expression matched his psychotic personality. His eyes were wild, chest moving up and down with heavy breaths. "You aren't going anywhere until you answer my questions."

I ran my hands through my hair again. This psychopath was literally a broken record. He continued to go on and on about how he wanted to make amends and be a family again. Just the three of us. He was completely delusional. "I already answered your questions! I told you that I don't want anything to do with you! You deserve to spend the rest of your life in jail! No matter how long it is."

"Why?" he asked and I looked at him incredulously. "I'm your father. I know I messed up in the past, but I think I deserve a chance to make it right." He was talking as if he had no idea why I felt the way I did. Like everything he did was no different than a father not calling his daughter back or missing a ballet recital.

I was fuming. I rose from the chair I was sitting in and took a few steps toward him. He was standing by the end of the bed. Maria was standing by the closet in the room and was casting him the same angry look I had been. "Make it right? Make it RIGHT! There is no way to make it right. You beat me, starved me. You assaulted me. How the fuck do you expect to make it right?"

He covered his face with his hands. He kept saying something over and over, but I couldn't make it out. He swung his right arm out in a fit of rage. The lamp that was on the desk flew against the wall and I jumped back. I felt Maria grab my hand as she pulled me closer to her.

He looked from me to Maria. "And you. I loved you. More than anything. You are the only woman I ever really loved; and this is how you treat me? I get the chance to live out the last few months I have with you-- and you just dismiss it? How dare you!" he barked.

Maria stepped in front of me and pointed her finger at my father. "How dare me? Are you fucking kidding me? I was a minor and you lied to me about who you were. You took advantage of a child! Not even just me; but our daughter! You are a psychopath. Lydia is right. You deserve to rot in prison and you to die by whatever is killing you." She took a few steps closer. "You deserve the same pain that you caused other's to feel. We will never love you."

That last part seemed to push him over the edge. Before I could do anything to stop it, he struck Maria. Her small body hit the fall with force and she was instantly unconscious on the floor. I ran to her, trying to make sure she was okay.

"Mom? Mom!" I felt for her pulse and let out a sigh of relief when I felt it beating. Steady and strong. I looked up at Jonathon and rushed him. I threw my body at him and beat my fists against his chest. I was able to get one good punch in. He took a step back with a shocked expression.

As he held my stare, my mind flashed back to the night before with Sean...

"I don't want to take that," I said for the tenth time. "I've never used one in my life."

"Lydia, you need to. For your protection, and Maria's. He won't be expecting it."

I stared at the large weapon. I've never seen a real gun before. I mean, I've seen them in movies, or on a cop's belt...but not like this. He handed it to me and it was heavy in my hand. Heavy and cold. Like death.

"Okay, baby. Listen carefully. This," he pointed to a small switch, "is the safety. See? On. Off. On. Off. You try."

I held the gun with the barrel pointed away from Sean. I wasn't taking any chances and accidentally shooting the love of my life. I flicked the small switch back and forth. "On. Off. On. Off," I repeated.