Movies I Like That Everyone Else Hates

Movie Theory: Cabin In The Woods and This Is The End are connected!

I think I'll do something different for this chapter. Movie theories are a dime a dozen. Some go from interesting to downright WTF? One of my favorite movie theories is for Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull. The theory is that the reason Indy survived a nuclear blast inside a refrigerator was because of the effects from drinking from the Holy Grail in The Last Crusade. It's some interesting food for thought. Or in this case, drink. I decided to throw my hat in to the movie theory bin, and make a fun one up. What's this movie theory? That the movie The Cabin In The Woods is connected to the movie This Is The End. But first, a bit of some history to the films so you can be familiar. WARNING! SPOILERS!

Now The Cabin in the Woods is a horror comedy written and directed by Drew Goddard in his directorial debut. The film was also co-written and co-produced by Joss Whedon. Both of these gentlemen worked together on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Goddard is also best known for developing the Netflix show Daredevil, writing Cloverfield, and Bad Times at the El Royale. The film stars Kristin Connolly, Chris Hemsworth (pre-Thor), Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, and Sigourney Weaver. I know what you're thinking, why did you put in the words pre-Thor alongside Chris Hemsworth, Tony? Well, this film was originally made in 2009 before Hemsworth starred in Star Trek as Captain Kirk's father, and before Marvel cast him as the Mighty God of Thunder. The film was originally supposed to be released by MGM and United Artists in 2010, but unfortunately MGM faced some bankruptcy issues, and was forced to shelve the project. In order to keep themselves afloat, MGM sold the rights of the film to Lionsgate, and thus the film was released on April 13, 2012. From the poster and generic title, the film may seem like your run-of-the-mill horror film with actors in their late twenties trying to act like college people. But it's more than that. The film is satirical and smart. Yes, it may seem like five college friends who fit the stereotypical characters you would see in your generic horror film, and they're forced to hoarde off a bunch of zombies. But not just any type of zombies. Redneck torture zombies to be exact. They're a very specific breed. It turns out, these five friends are being monitored by a technician crew, using monsters provided by Ancient Gods who may have existed before the pagan gods of Greek and Egyptian mythology. But that's not all. It turns out these 5 people have been chosen to be sacrificed by the Ancient Pagan Gods, whom I will assume came before Christ (and the other pagan gods I mentioned) for this theory. The technicians choose how these five people will die, which is how it has been going on for millennia. But these five people have to be killed in a specific order. First it's the whore, then the jock, then the fool, then the nerd, and then the virgin. The middle three after the "whore" don't really have to die in any particular order, and the virgin dying is optional. Of course, they work with what they have. Things go crazy, and when the two remaining characters who were supposed to be the virgin and the fool (Dana and Marty, played by Kristen Connolly and Fran Kranz, respectively) make what is honestly, in my not so humble opinion, the most self-centered decision ever, (of course, it's debatable) by refusing to sacrifice themselves to ensure that the Ancient Pagan Gods remain asleep, and thus the Ancient Ones angrily rise from the ground with the intent of destroying the world!

Fun fact, the giant hand is Kronos. Anyway... then there's This Is The End.

This Is The End is a comedy that was released a year after Cabin. Specifically June 3rd, 2013 by Sony Pictures Releasing under its Columbia Pictures label. The film stars James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson, and features cameo appearances from Michael Cera, Emma Watson, Backstreet Boys, and many others. The film was written, produced, and directed by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, also coincidentally in their directorial debuts. The film is about these 6 particular actors portraying fictionalized (and might I add, hilariously exaggerated) versions of themselves as they party at James Franco's house. But then the party comes to a screeching halt as suddenly, a globally biblical apocalypse occurs, ensuring the end of the world, and only the pure of heart are worthy enough to ascend into rapture! The six survivors are trapped in James Franco's house, and hilarious hijinks ensue, with cabin fever, an uninvited guest (that uninvited guest being Danny McBride), demonic possessions, and so on and so forth. It's like any other Seth Rogen comedy, except it's the end of the world.

Now my theory is that This Is The End is a direct sequel to The Cabin in The Woods. How can I back this up? Cabin ends with the angry gods causing earthquakes and rising from the earth, with the intent to end/destroy the world. And This Is The End is the aftermath of Dana and Marty's self centered decision to damn the world. It starts simple enough with the sinkholes mentioned at the beginning of This Is The End. The sinkholes are most likely caused by the Ancient Ones. And then the raptures occur to save those from being inflicted by the wrath of the angry gods. And those demons and monsters that come out such as the one that possesses Jonah Hill, and the seven headed Satanic demon could possibly have escaped from the technician's labs. Maybe these particular monsters aren't from America, but maybe Japan. Remember, there were technicians that were all around the world. And all the demons and monsters that escaped from all the technician's labs around the world are the ones causing chaos as the world is apocalyptically destroyed by the ancient angry gods. And thus Hollywood is one of many to endure the horrors of those monsters from Cabin. Hell, I'd be shocked if it turned out Emma Watson was attacked by that werewolf that mauled Dana. (Ya know, the werewolf that Sigourney Weaver was excited to work with.) But yes, given that nearly 7 billion people died at the end of Cabin (as that was the population back when the film was made), I would say it all adds up. And that's my theory as to why Cabin In The Woods and This Is The End are both connected. Any questions? And now I shall go back to writing about movies I like that everyone else hates. I have spoken.