Black ~ A ¥iZhan Lov€ $tory

Tr€ble

Scared as I am,
That one day you'll leave me,
With all my heart I pray,
That our love will stay strong,
Far beyond my disability.

Xiao Zhan's POV:

Today I am feeling quite the melancholy. My music is filled with anguish even for my own ears. Unable to stop my heart, my emotions pour out through my notes. The stifle feeling being ever-present. A warm voice shakes me from my sadness and I smile sadly when I hear the fond nickname my dad used to call me when I was young "Zoo".

Taking my hand gently in his, we slowly walk to the patio where we sit and he hands me a cup of tea.

"You're up early. Where is Yibo?" He enquires softly. "Sleeping" I take a sip as he playfully nudges me "Ah, you exhausted him out, didn't you?" He laughs as I spit my tea out, not expecting such a comment.

"Dad" I yelp and he laughs out loudly. It's good to hear his laughter, I missed it. I have always had an amazing relationship with them, though often I always felt they gave up a lot for me.

"Zoo, what is troubling you?" Not the one to mix words, always direct. I knew if anyone who could help me out with my feelings, it has to be Dad.

"I heard your conversation with eachother last evening. I heard what Bo Di told you, I know he's concerned about me, I also know he feels so much for me, his feelings for me run deep but" I pause "but I am scared, Dad. I am so terrified".

"Why?"

"Because to accept my disability and to live with it are two different things, Dad. I am glad he has accepted me but, he hasn't lived with me. Dad, I know you and mom have sacrificed so many things for me. I know you have changed your lifestyle to suit my own convenience. Mom has always been so particular in keeping every minute things just the way it is every single day with great care and precision. Be it the couch, the chairs or the tables. Why? So that I should not get hurt. Dad, when I was young, you are aware the innumerable times I have been hurt, or my bones were broken because I slipped and fell down, reason being there was water on the ground."

I pause again to get my thoughts clear "it has not been easy for you both. Before I move around the house, mom sees to it that nothing has been moved, that my instruments are in their proper order, that there is not amount of water on the floor, that even if we get new furnitures, she lets me get accustomed to it and then that piece of furniture would never be moved an inch from its place. Did you know, that when ever I have a sleep over in Bo Di's house, middle of the night, I would get up to feel myself around the house, so that I don't stumble and fall?"

Ashamed, I look away when he takes my hand in his "Does he know?" and I shake my head.

"No, I was too embarrassed to tell him. If I tell you the only place I have ever been with Bo Di is here, at his place or at the university where my office is or my practice room, is that terrible? Sad? Pathetic? Expect for one dinner where we went out, I haven't really been elsewhere with him because I am scared that I would embarrass him. I would fall or people would pity him. I" a tear falls from my eyes and dad carefully wipes them away "I am scared that he would one day leave me. Leave me like Feng did. That he too would one day grow tired of my lifestyle. It's not easy to accept the pity that society throws on you. Why should I put him through such misery, Dad?"

Wiping away the unruly tears, I wait for Dad to scold or chide for me to have such thoughts but he doesn't. He simply sits there at takes in whatever I spout. "Aren't you going to say something?" I ask and he sighs.

"What do you want me to say? If you think I am going to tell you not to have such thoughts then you're wrong. Because having such thoughts are very natural. You've already faced so much turmoil in life, if I ask you to not think about them, then I am wrong. It's human tendency to feel insecure but Zoo" he caresses my cheeks "I would definitely tell you one thing, this conversation, you shouldn't be having with me. You need to open up that beautiful heart of yours to the man who has entered your life. Zoo, I can tell you this confidently that Yibo is not like Feng. If he was, I would not have allowed him to call me dad. Did Feng ever call me dad?" He questions and I shake my head.

"That's because I never liked him, but gave him benifit of doubt, cause you liked him. But Yibo, he's different. I don't have to tell you more, you know about that kid more than me, but trust him. Speak to him. Open up. Tell him about your fears. If you don't, how can you expect him to help you, Zhan?."

Dad pats my shoulders "I had my insecurities with your Mom, I was scared too. She was an entrepreneur and I was a meer small musician, a student rather in your grandpa's school. Do you think it was easy for us? No. But, I spoke to your Mom and together, we built a beautiful future for us and Zoo" he wraps his arm around me "what we did is not called sacrifice, it's called parenting. We love you, period. We never cared what the society said. We care only about you."

He sighs and his voice is coarse "When you came home that night, bleeding, broken and traumatized, I remember your mom she cried the entire night. I have never seen her so sad. Not even when the doctors informed us of your disability. We had a smile and accepted you the way you are, cause you are ours. Our love. But that night, she cried. She cried because she was unable to comprehend why someone would be so cruel to her baby. I" he clears his throat "I wanted to kill that guy, but I didn't. It's natural for a parent to feel heartbroken too and thus, when you got Yibo home, the first thing your mother did was to give me a call and Zoo, she sounded ecstatic. Thank you" he kisses my head.

"You gave her something she thought she lost. Hope. By giving yourself a second chance, you gave your Mom hope. Zoo, talk to your Bo Di, he will understand." He pats my shoulders and I nod.

Yes, I need to talk to him.

"Dad"

"Hm"

"I would need uncle to drive us around. I need to go beyond my comfort zone. I might take him to the park. I'll talk to him" I smile and my Dad nudges my shoulders "Do that Zoo" .

A moment later he pats my thigh "By the way, are you going to come back home or would you be in Bo Di's house?"

"No idea why?" Oh I am dreading his answer. Shouldn't have asked.

"Heads up would be great kid, if you're planning on staying back in Bo Di's house, we'll have the whole house to ourselves" he laughs and I push him. I laugh too. I knew I shouldn't have asked.

But true to his words, he has always been the best Dad. Cheering me up and allowing me to follow my own heart.