connected ; kageyama tobio x reader [COMPLETED]

29: something you don't know

TW: suicide/self harm/rape/murder

—flashback

"No, Oikawa! You can't love me! No one is capable of loving me!" You scream at Oikawa who has just confessed his feelings you.

"W-what do you mean f/n-chan? Of course I love you." He says as he tries to comfort you.

"You can't! You just can't! Because I don't even love me." You say as you lift your sleeves to reveal fresh cuts. Oikawa suddenly started to tear up at the sight of your body, full of pain and full of sadness. He hugged you as he didn't know what else to do. He loved you despite all that and for that, you were truly grateful.

He didn't want to admit it but it has become a burden. Your sudden outbursts and episodes would happen at the most unexpected times that it made him struggle. He had his own problems and he doesn't know what to do when it has doubled because of you. He would sometimes catch you in the shower, harming yourself or even see pills under your bed.

"Am I not enough for you?" Oikawa asks as he starts to tear up. He never understood you. Why you did that and why you feel like this despite him being there for you. But it wasn't his fault, it was your head's. It was your mental state. Despite receiving so much love from him, even more than you deserve, it could never truly make you happy.

And of course, his fangirls and obsession with volleyball didn't help to ease your insecurities and negative thoughts and yet for some reason, with just one kiss from Oikawa, you felt as if all your insecurities, all your scars and all your pain disappeared as that's how he felt for you too. His playful exterior is all an act as he is one of the most sensitive and hardworking people you have ever met.

You have seen each other differently through each other's eyes. You have seen each other in ways that no one has ever before. So, what went wrong?

—end of flashback

Kageyama woke up feeling refreshed and actually felt energized and excited for the first game of the day. He arrived to the gym, scanning it to look for you but you were nowhere in sight.

Soon, the team has already played two matches, but you were still nowhere to be found. Kageyama was starting to get worried, as well as the other players, whether they'd be from Karasuno or not. Suddenly, Iwaizumi started approaching him.

"Kageyama!" He calls onto him making Kageyama snap out of his thoughts.

"Ah Iwaizumi-san." He says greeting him.

"I'm asking for that stupid guy right there who is too prideful to go to you but-,"

"I can hear you Iwa-chan!" He says from afar but soon came running towards them. Iwaizumi just sighs.

"He wants to know where f/n is." Iwaizumi finally finishes.

"Is she sick? Is she alright?!" He finally speaks up.

"I actually don't know where she is." Kageyama says, worry starting to take over his face. Suddenly, Yachi walks past them and Kageyama calls for her.

"Ah you called me Kageyama-kun?" She replies.

"Yes. Do you know where f/n is?" He asks.

"Actually, I haven't seen her since she woke up. It was weird really, she seemed different." Yachi says as Oikawa's eyes grew wider and looked at Iwaizumi who knew what was going on. Kageyama didn't know what was happening but gulped in worry.

"Have you checked the shower room?" Oikawa asks her as she says no.

"Can you bring us there, please?" Iwaizumi says in panic as they all run outside. Suddenly Coach Ukai sees this and tells Daichi to watch the others first. The serious and worry on Oikawa's face would make anyone scared. You'll know it's serious. Yachi stops outside the door and Oikawa didn't hesitate to open it. He called for you many times as all Kageyama could do was watch.

"What the hell is going on?"

"Come on, help me!" Oikawa says to Iwaizumi and Kageyama who were just watching in shock. Oikawa was listening to every cubicle to hear where the water was coming from.

"Oikawa-san! Here!" Kageyama says as the sound of the water was too clear in that stall. Soon, water was rushing out of the cubicle but it was odd because it wasn't clear. It had red droplets in it. Oikawa started tearing up as he started banging the door.

"F/n! F/n! Please open the door!" He says. He was struggling to open it until Iwaizumi finally helped to open the door. Soon, the stall sprung open, revealing your trembling naked body. Your knees were on your chest and you were drenched with your own blood. Oikawa went to you and took the blade away from your hands.

"Kageyama! Get a towel!" He says as Kageyama rushes to take a towel from one of the shelves. Oikawa quickly took it and wrapped your body with the towel. He soon picked you up.

His breaths were getting heavy, not because he struggled carrying you but because he was reminded of how he felt every time he would see you like this-heartbroken. He walked past Coach Ukai and some of the other players who just stood there, frozen in fear. Oikawa makes his way to the clinic as the nurse quickly stood up.

"Please get her a fresh pair of clothes." She tells Yachi, who was still dumbstruck. She quickly runs outside.

"And please, all of you wait outside first. I'll call the doctor." She says as she tries to push the boys away, but they wouldn't budge. They didn't move until Daichi, Sugawara, and Iwaizumi pulled them out of the scene. They all sat outside, still shocked at what happened. Oikawa couldn't help but collapse on the ground as his clothes were drenched in your own blood. He rested his face on his knees as he started sobbing loudly. Iwaizumi sits beside him and pats his back rhythmically. Even Kuroo and Kenma were frozen when they took a peek of you.

Kageyama still didn't know how to process anything and just sat there, frozen. He couldn't even hear his teammates talking to him, trying to comfort him. Soon, only Oikawa and Kageyama were left outside the clinic.

"W-was it because of me?" Kageyama suddenly says making Oikawa look at him.

"Gah that brings back so many memories. Whenever things like these would happen, I would always blame myself and no matter how many times these things can happen, I still feel the same fear of losing her." He says as he sniffs.

"I still don't know a lot about her." Kageyama says.

"Oh yes, you truly don't. It's hard to untangle her but I trust that you'll be able to do it." Oikawa says.

"So why? Why does she do this?" Kageyama asks him as he shifts beside Oikawa.

"She has clinical depression. She has a sister. Or at least, had one. I wanted her to be the one to tell you this but I feel the need to tell you if you have a plan of spending eternity with her. When she was younger, she was playing with her sister. They were playing hide and seek when her sister went to the wrong place. A few days have passed and she still wasn't found. After a week, her body was found in a warehouse and the autopsy found out that she was murdered and raped. Since then, she has blamed herself for her sister's death. She's never even visited her grave. Her parents would sometimes bring her sister up but she couldn't bring herself to even say her name." Oikawa says as Kageyama just sits in shock. They both just sit in silence until Oikawa finally says something.

"You have to promise me that you won't hurt her and you won't make the same mistake I did, okay? You should still love her, despite all of this." Oikawa says.

"Of course I still do. I love her very much." Kageyama says.