Uncovered - H.S

Eight. Supermarket Coffee.

Play "Yeah Right" - Joji

Whipping my head to the side I saw Harry sitting next to me, but he wasn't looking at me, no he was looking straight ahead like I was just doing moments before.

I don't know how he knew, but he could tell I didn't want to look into his eyes, but rather hide behind my shield of walls I've managed to put up, and I could only do this by looking anywhere but him.

I couldn't think straight when I did.

I felt my hands clasp together into balls of anticipation, not knowing if my mouth would betray me by revealing something I know I would regret later. Instead I just shook my head and inhaled a shaky breath, swiping my tongue across my bottom lip to moisten its sudden dryness.

I saw him glance down at the action, his observant eyes flickering over my every movement to try and read me. I didn't like him trying to figure me out. He was getting close to breaking me already and I'd only known his company for three days now.

Which instinctively, lead me to wanting to say something to get him to stop looking into me, reading me like a children's book. The words and letters written only in his secret language that was so easy for him to define.

"Nothing happened, the music was nothing, you heard nothing" I lied.

My voice came out surprisingly strong and I didn't falter, even though everyone else would of said it was just a decibel above a whisper. I looked at him and awaited his reply, praying he wouldn't see past my avoidance of truth for I knew that if he did I would be screwed.

Suddenly a cold mask glazed his green orbs and he scoffed. Shaking his head, he abruptly stood up and started to walk back the way he came, but not before stopping just out of reach from the door handle. Then he turned to me.

"I see something in you I recognise in myself. It's grief. Sorry I gave a shit, I won't anymore" he told me, frowning in slight anger before grasping the door handle and disappearing from view.

- - - - - - -

His bitterly true words kept resonating in my head all through the rest of the day, like a muffled radio you couldn't seem to find the off button for. They affected me deeply, and I couldn't figure out why. I've pushed people away before and when they did finally turn their backs on me I would feel immense relief. But now, now I just feel more lost than yesterday. I feel cold.

My movements felt sluggish and delayed as made my way to collect my notes. Only to realise that when I got there I had indeed missed the exiting students, and I was now left with another thing Mr Mavis would be angry at me for.

So once it sunk in that I had no purpose on college grounds any longer, I made my way home, making sure to avoid Harry's parking spot I have come to recognise.

On the way back to the apartment it dawned on me that I needed to buy some groceries, so I unwillingly turned left instead of right and drove towards the supermarket. My hands tightly grasping the wheel all the while.

Which now is where I currently am, numbingly gliding through the isles and throwing in necessities for the dull week to come. I could hear the repetitive jingle song for the store wash through the speakers like a broken record, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Chucking some coffee beans into my basket, I stopped. The familiar brand and flavour causing flooding memories to dance into my thoughts mockingly.

It was her favourite. And then it became mine. We were always like that, looking up at each others choices before unknowingly copying them just so we could fall into identical paths with one another.

Quickly I threw the bag of coffee back on the shelf, not sparing it another glance as I made my way to the checkout.  My chest started to feel tight. I couldn't think about her anymore.

"Angelina is that you dear?"

Turning round I came face to face with my mother's old friend Judy. I've never really liked Judy, she was always too involved with the family in a way that no one really cared for. Protruding in to our business, or telling you off for something only your mother would tell you off for when you were little was what she was best at.

Swallowing nervously, I gave her a weak smile and an even weaker wave that was worthy of being laughed at. As I said, I've never really liked Judy.

"How have you been? Seen your mother recently? I heard she misses you." Her voice sounded a little too shrill to be passed off as normal, so I settled for it being because she was doing what she does best. Prying.

"Oh, yes I'm seeing her soon, and I've been better. What about you Judy?" I asked politely. I've known her for so long I didn't feel the need to be shy around her. Even though I could think of better things to do then have a friendly conversation with Judy.

A pitiful look then stretched across her features when I told her I hadn't been feeling too great. I hoped she wouldn't question my now obvious slip up in the choice of wording, but she did.

"Ah yes, how are you holding up? Two years now it's been hasn't, time flies so fast without the ones you love. It really is a miracle that you survived and they didn't" she told me with a glint of something in her eye, and a trail of something else in her voice.

I winced. The mentioning of my survival and not theirs was a known deep problem I was struggling massively with, that everybody in what's left of the family knew about. Including Judy.

Then I couldn't help but scoff at her other words too, but decided to cover it up with a small cough.

Time flies? I would say my life has been anything but fast pace. It feels like I'm stuck in a never ending relapse of the worst day of my life, the emotional pain still as fresh as that very day. I was angry at her, she didn't love them like I did. She would never understand how much I blame myself.

Instead of saying this though, of course I muttered the only two words you would use when you were anything but. The only two words that showed how you were clearly struggling with something bigger than yourself. When asked how you are and you respond with these words, to me it was like the person asking the question is practically pleading for this answer. So then they could have the satisfaction of feeling better about themselves without being weighed down by your extra baggage that luckily for them, you didn't seem to share.

"I'm fine." I stated.

Then I walked out the store, my basket of now unimportant items left abandoned at Judy's feet.

I've never really liked her.

A.n- hope you are enjoying the story! Would you let me know of any feedback or grammar errors of some sort? Love you all xx