Uncovered - H.S

Twenty five. Flipped The Switch.

Listen to "Bad things" by Meiko when the *** appear.

Nausea. Perhaps the mellowest term to describe the hot white flash of pain when I heard her name for the first time in a long while.

Betrayal. The simplest term to describe how I was feeling towards my mother for bringing her up.

Agonising guilt. The term to describe what I go through every single day. However today I felt this emotion amplified to the point of no return, and the panic the guilt brought with it was bubbling up in my throat so I couldn't breathe. Even beached sea creatures dying of asphyxiation we're smirking in hysterics at the lack of oxygen I was seeming to be getting.

"Miss Hart, I think you need to leave." I heard Harry say softly, yet I could tell he was trying to hold back his anger towards my mother for hurting me.

I tried to listen for my mums response but hot blood was rushing around my head and through my ears, I couldn't do anything but stumble to the window leading to the balcony and attempt to open the panes.

Fumbling with the handle I managed to get it open, pushing it up quickly and forcing myself out of the small gap that destroyed the barrier between the inside and the outside world. Windows were a blessing and a curse, sometimes they healed you with their view and sometimes they would reveal to much. My mother was like the latter.

The cold air felt good as I drank it into my thirsty lungs, the bare skin of my arms still feeling hot against the breeze. Gathering my thoughts and catching my breath I approached the wall that separated me from the inescapable death of falling. Falling never freaked me out, the idea your last living moments being able to experience what it's like to fly didn't sound so bad to me. But falling in love...I couldn't think of anything worse.

You love someone, they leave. You let them love you and they leave. That's it's; there was no other possible way for it to end. My dad left me because he loved me, she-Rosie left me because she loved me. I didn't see an end to it all, my future consisted of blurred faces and hollow relationships with acquaintances I met once or twice.

Accept Harry wasn't just an acquaintance anymore. He was something else. He was good. But deep down I know he has this darkness, this anger at someone or something and it eats at him- I've seen it. So he can't know about what happened to me, why I am the way I am. That's baggage he didn't ask for and if he knew I'd just be giving him another reason to look at me and call me damaged. So he won't know who Rosie is, he can't know. Not yet.

I must've been out there for a while just watching the cars below because when Harry eventually decided to come out and join me the cloud-frosted sun had seemed to of risen to the highest point in the sky, meaning it was around mid day.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I whispered quietly, clearing my throat to dull the soft cracks my voice still had when I spoke.

There was Silence. "And I'm sorry I left you to deal with my mum" I continued, my eyebrows furrowing at the lack of words on his part. "You didn't have to deal with that, I wasn't thinking." I finally added, turning my eyes slighting left to try and read his face with my peripheral vision. More silence.

I started to panic. I'd fucked it, he was realising what a lost cause I was wasn't he?

"Wanna go out and get inexcusably drunk?" I widened my eyes at his blunt delivery while he just flashed me his all knowing smirk. Harry taunted me with his stare, challenging me to accept his offer.,

And you know what, for once, I did.

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***
"This is dumb I look stupid" I whined from behind the wooden door of my bedroom. Regret for agreeing to going out with Harry was trying to push it's ice-ridden self into my veins but I kept my feet moving to warm away the cold feeling from seeping in.