I Remember You... (A Levi x Reader) (Rewritten)

Chapter 23

A/N okay so originally I had these chapters written out to be completely filled with the reader's time in the trainee corps, but I decided against that and scrapped the next three chapters. Instead, the next three chapters, whilst Y/N will be making appearances, will be a sort of side story you could say? They're called 'Levi's years' and it's basically going to be about the hardships and struggles Levi goes through whilst dealing with Y/N's death, and how he bonds with his squad and friends to try and get through it.

Also, I am trying to get the first arc of this book completed within the next few weeks, so wish me luck!

Trigger warnings for: depression and a hint of suicidal thoughts!

The punch sent the cadet flying across the field, and yet Levi didn't even flinch at the pained cries the young boy was releasing. He hardly ever reacted to anything anymore. Nothing. It wasn't like he always portrayed emotions when Y/N was there, but even the cadets that were never around his wife knew that Levi was different when she was around.

Now, Levi was described as an empty shell of a man - someone broken to the point of being beyond repair. Some of the pieces were there, but the centre of the puzzle pieces were lost, leaving a giant hole dead set in the middle.

The newer cadets had little to no idea of what Levi was like before he lost his wife, before he lost his world. Sure, the rumours would always be there, but they would never truly be able to describe the warmth and light Y/N brought to the Survey Corps. They would never get to experience how much she changed Levi.

Among the cadets, they had all heard the rumours. The Commander had lost a sister the day Captain Levi lost his wife. It was a quick realisation for them to know that they were the same person.

The Captain had married the Commander's sister.

They supposed it would explain why the two men were so close.

Levi depended on Erwin, is what the cadets would think. He followed the man's orders without any hesitation, any questioning. It was as if he was clinging to the last blood of the woman he adored.

They never truly opened their eyes, after all.

-

"What's with you today, Shorty?" Hanji questions their friend as they quirk an eyebrow up in amusement, their glasses glinting menacingly as Levi struck down the nape of another fake Titan. The man paused, lowering his blades as he turned to face his friend.

"Tch. What do you mean?" He clicked his tongue, turning on his heel to face them. The person stroked a hand through their grimy hair, shrugging softly. Levi knew that Hanji had lost their best friend too, so he knew to be gentle around the subject. Not that he'd ever open up to anyone about what he was going through. His friends had speculated that Levi had rebuilt the wall around his heart, protecting whatever was left of it, if anything was.

"I mean, you seem to be acting rougher towards the cadets then what you normally are, y'know?" They tried to get Levi to understand, all the while trying to receive a speck of emotion from their friend. Ever since the breakdown Levi had, had last year, Hanji hadn't been able to get anything else out of Levi. It was as if he had completely shut down after that, but Hanji refused to accept that. Their friend still had hope for improvement. If he was still standing, then there must be a reason for that.

"Tch, I told you, Four-Eyes, I'm fine."

Levi said those words to Hanji both in training and whilst out on an expedition. Not only was Hanji worried, but his squad was as well. Levi had taken a year's break from expeditions after Y/N's death, and when he had came back to the field, he had proven to be more reckless then he ever had been.

They knew Levi had always been selfless, but the extent he was now going to was beyond measures. None of them had truly known how much Y/N kept Levi standing until she was gone, because the man they cared about was almost dead to the world. Without Y/N, he seemed to be nothing.

Not that they could blame him. They already knew that both Levi and Y/N had lost Isabel and Farlan, who had proven to be extremely close to them, and Y/N had briefed Hanji about Levi's past down in the underground - it wasn't pretty. Levi felt as though he had nobody else to go to, nobody else to love, nobody else to rely on. Nobody but himself; that is.

"Are you sure you're okay, Levi? I don't mean to be a stick in the mud but, y'know..."

"Tch. You sound constipated when you speak with that tone."

With that, Levi rode further off into the forest, his squad flailing to chase after him. Hanji focused back on the road in front of them, whilst attempting to keep down the worry they felt for their friend.

How long left was left until Levi finally gave up?

Hanji knew it wouldn't be too long. They had already noticed the constant tremor in Levi's hands as he drank his tea, the growing bags under his eyes and the more reckless intents he had been pulling. Erwin was considering pulling him out of duty until he was himself again, but he knew Levi wouldn't sit around with that.

Y/N had once told Hanji that Levi endured horrific nightmares each and every night, but what was once Levi's nightmares was now his constant reality. Y/N had always been there to shield Levi from his worries, share his burden with herself, in return for her sharing her burden with him. They knew how to work their problems out, as it was clear they both struggled, and whatever hardships the other faced - they had come out stronger together in the end.

Y/N had always faced her problems with a smile, and Levi always tended to bottle his up. Before she died, Y/N was always there to gently take the bottle from Levi and open it up, helping him along his own way. Their relationship had truly been special, one of a kind.

But as much as they thought about it, Hanji always came to the same conclusion.

Y/N was gone.

She wasn't coming back.

Levi had nobody to share his burden with anymore.

Hanji had tried to be there for their friend, try to take part of his burden, but in the end, they weren't Y/N. They never would be Y/N. That's why-

"CAPTAIN! GET AWAY FROM IT."

Hanji gets snapped out of their thoughts at the sound of Petra's cry. They turned their head, and their now widened eyes landed on Levi as he flew towards a herd of titans.

Almost immediately, Hanji activated their ODM gear and shot off after him, rushing to reach their friend. Erwin was right. He wasn't ready for expeditions yet.

Unless Levi opened up, he truly would forever be broken.

-

"Wow! How did you learn to do that so easily?" Y/N smiles softly at Christa as she holds Isabella on her lap. The toddler was just gone two, and she was growing smarter and smarter by the day.

"Learn to do what?" They had just completed their first ever try at balancing with ODM gear, and Y/N had automatically known what to do. It was as if it was almost instinct. Little did she know that she had been using ODM gear for years, way before she had even joined the Survey Corps.

"C'mon, Y/N! You knew how to balance literally immediately!" Ymir smirked at Y/N as she threw her arm around her girlfriend's shoulders, a mischievous glint in her eyes. Ymir had always given Y/N a strange feeling, like she wasn't like the normal humans in her day to day life. However, it wasn't exactly a bad feeling. She could tell the woman wasn't a bad person.

"Mama strong! Reawwy strong!" Isabella clapped her hands excitedly, her gleaming blue orbs tilting her head backwards to stare up at Y/N, a large grin adorning her chubby features. She was a perfect resemblance of her father, Y/N had assumed. She wouldn't have it any other way though.

"If you say so, my dear." She smiles, pressing a kiss to her daughter's forehead, stroking her fingers through her hair - it usually helped her drift off to sleep. As she continued to talk to Ymir and Christa, the thought of her unknown husband lingered in her mind.

Don't worry, whoever you are. I won't let you down.

A/N - Originally I was going to post three chapters altogether but I haven't finished editing the other two, I'm sorry!