Kevin Clifton and Stacey Dooley one shots

Child birth simulator

Kevins PoV
Joe just text and asked if me and stace wanted to come round his. He had a video idea planned that involved me and stace so I asked her. "Joe has asked that we go round his for a video or sommat. Do you fancy it?" "Sure. What time." "He said something time today." "Tell him we'll be round in the next hour." "Ok then."  I text him back and we started getting ready.
Joes PoV
So when Kev and stace come round me and Di are gonna scare them and then Kevin is gonna be my next participant on child birth simulator. We had stopped the series after Dianne had done it but Kevin was the next person and then we might do Neil Jones. "They've said yes dianne but little do they know it's going to be torture well for kev anyway." "Yay. Little kevi is gonna have a baby." "Not surprised with all the noise they made on tour." "To be honest neither am I." Someone knocked at the door so I let them in and stacey and Kevin were stood there. "Alright mate." "Ye you?" "Not had not bad. Stacey?" "Alright thanks bro." "Yes sis. Diannes in the kitchen." They walked slowly into the kitchen and Kevin stopped them. "Hang on this just dunt seem right. In the what nine years I've known dianne I've never known her to be this quiet unless she's not well." "Or joes face fucking her." "True." "Shut up. No she's in he kitchen." "I'm waiting for her to jump out with a pan or something." Dianne walked round the corner with a pan in her hand. "How the hell did you know that." "Ok then. So this is normal Dianne behaviour. Kev? Joe?" We both nodded and Dianne smiled. "Right what did you bring us all the way to the other side of London for." "Because we want you Kevin to be the next person in one of my series on my main channel." "Ok? Should I be worried." "Kevin it's joe and Dianne. Of course you should be worried." "Fair point Stace." "Before I agree to anything what is it." "Ummm well." "Kevvy your gonna have a baby." "What?!" "I didn't know you were trans Kev." "Neither did I." "Basically I'm gonna strap you up to a machine that will give you shocks that are like contractions but you will only get the shocks if you do not answer a question about the female gender correctly." "Right I'll do it on one condition." "And what would that be mr clifton." "That we get ranj here as fast as possible." We laughed and I set up the camera and the girls sat behind m and Kev. "Good morning afternoon evening. Hello everybody and welcome back to another sugg Sunday special. Today we are bringing I back. Yes it's the child birth simulator thingy and this episodes victim. I mean special guest is none other than the king of the ballroom. The five time strictly come dancing finalist and the man who had I love Glasgow tattooed on his foot it's mr Kevin from Grimsby." "Hiya." "We have nurse buswell and nurse dooley here to observe and console the victim I mean patient if anything does go wrong so mr clifton if you would go and get changed." "For gods sake. It's like that bloody banana costume all over again." He went and put the surgical scrub thingies on and came and sat down on the bed. "Right nurse dooley if you would please apply the pads to his stomach area."
Kevs PoV
She lifted the thing up and put the sticky pad thingies on me and tickled me. "Fucking hell. I didn't sign up to be teamed on." "Well there's always a twist on thatcher joe." "Right great. I know nothing about girls so here we go. Is ranj here yet." "Right I'm not professionally trained and I dont think these two are so let's just get it over with." "So basically I'm fucked." They nodded and joe smiled. "Dianne you are in charge of the shock controls." "Oh god dianne be nice please." "Let's test it first can you feel that." "No." "Can you feel this." "Fucking hell what number was that on." "Oi our child is not a number." "Sorry sorry. How big was the pain scale on that." "That was a two."
Joes PoV
His face dropped and I laughed. "Right question one. What is the measurement used to measure the thickness of tights." "Umm fuck Joanne never shutted up about it when we did competitions. I can't wear these because they're not over 40 ummmmmm denier." "Ooh Kev." "Dont do this to me." "That's right." "Get in." "Right before we carry on joe we need to think of a safe word." "Right ummm Stace will you marry me." "I don't think so. No way no no no." "Well it has to be something that you won't want to say." We all laughed and kev just laid down. "Just get on with it." "Right question two. What is a maxi dress." "Umm I don't bloody know do I. I don't buy them. Neil jones would though. Ummmm I don't know a brand of dress." "I'm afraid that is the wrong answer so dianne if you would please." She set the shocker off and Kevin started squirming around.

Just imagine it's stacey and Kevin. I couldn't be  bothered to write it all out.
Kevs PoV
"Right last question. When women are pregnant they often crave non edible items. Which of these items do pregnant people not usually crave. Is it a charcoal b sponges c Lego or d clay." "Umm I don't know charcoal." "No. It's Lego. They can't eat Lego idiot." "When you said non edible I though let you meant like they  just liked to play with it and have it there." "No. Right number eight let's see how far the baby is. Yep it's there hanging on by it's feet. Do you want Nurse dooley to hold your hand." He nodded so stacey stood next to him and I turned the machine on. "Fuck. Stacey will you marry me. Stacey stacey stace. aaaahhhhh!!" Dianne stopped it. And started it again on number ten. "The hell. Holy shit." He ripped them off and we all laughed. "I didn't even know there was a ten on that. Does it hurt." "Wait so you let dianne mess with something that has never been tested before." "Aww come here." Stacey gave him a hug and we awed. "We are leaving that in the video." "I don't think so." We handed him the toy doll. "What do you want to name it Stace." "It! It's clearly a boy." "Fine then what do you want to name him." "Bobby the baby." "Ok then. This is bobby. The baby." He shook his head and we laughed. "Remind me if we have kids to never let stacey name it." We nodded and ended the video. "Right Kev odds on you doing number ten on your arm." "Me why not dianne or stacey." "Because your a man." "Right one to seven." "3..2..1 6." "Shit." "Right I'll do it if stacey does it on a four." "Absolutely not." "No I will. It will be funny." Jesus. We strapped them up both on their arm and dianne did Kevin first. "Shit!" His hand had a spasm. We took it off. "Right we might actually need ranj. I can't move my hand." "Oops."
P2 willie be out soon