The F in Pike (Book 3.5) (girlxgirl)

Impulse Control Problem

There's nothing to feel weird about. All we're going to do is talk.

Slipping my key into the lock of the dojo, I unlock the door and go inside.

Of course, that's what I thought about the last time we got together and that didn't end the way I expected. Nothing about that night was what I thought was going to happen. Not that anything that happened was bad exactly. It was actually good... more than good. I really liked it actually. It was definitely different then things I've done before. Not like being with a guy at all. Something about it just felt a lot more sensual, more intimate. Like we were more in tune with each other than anyone I'd ever been with.

I go into my office, set down my gym bag and sit behind my desk.

Faith and I have never been in tune or in sync or whatever the other night was might have been. We've pretty much never agreed on anything, which has always been a big thing for me when I sleep with someone. Angel and I were definitely in sync long before I gave him my virginity. Riley and I felt in tune when we slept together. Even Spike and I could sense each other's pain and took comfort in that when we had sex. The more we did it, the more in sync we got.

But it's like the other night Faith and I just clicked all of the sudden and had to have each other. Almost like some outside force wanted us to be together that night while at the same time it was completely my choice to go there with her. As if I could stop at any time if I wanted to but I never felt the need to stop. Things just kept escalating between us until we were both satisfied. And I was definitely satisfied by the end of it.

Except today, nothing about what happened feels satisfying exactly. I don't regret it but I also don't feel like it was something we should've done. There's no guilt or shame like I felt with Spike, only I feel like there should be because of how I treated Derrick. I should feel guilty but I don't. And I don't feel the kind of deep connection to Faith that I felt with Angel after it happened despite him losing his soul. Or the kind of normal girl feeling I got after being with Riley. I feel... okay with what happened... I think.

I honestly have no idea how to feel about what we did that night. Which I guess is why we're getting together to talk about it. We just won't jump each other like we did last time.

The door to the dojo unlocks and someone comes in.

I hope...

"Hey B?"

"In here!"

Looking around the room, I can't help but feel a little weird at the idea of doing this where I work.

Maybe somewhere else would've been better... or at least some other room?

I get up from my desk and head for the door. She and I almost run into each other as I do.

"Oh, uh... hi..."

She smiles at me.

"Hey..."

I go to hug her and she steps back, making me stop.

"Maybe that's not such a good idea."

Right... that's how we got into this in the first place.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

That seems to make her feel bad.

"Crap, no... I'm... I'm sorry. I just... I don't know how to react to any of this."

I let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding in.

"Neither do I. I didn't expect any of this to happen."