Behind My Eyes.

nightmares.

it's four in the morning and all i can think about is the horror that awaits me when i go to sleep.

which nightmare will be there tonight?

which face will i see when i close my eyes?

which old friend will haunt me tonight?

how could i bear to sleep when my dreams are cursed with the ghost of you?

i may never have another peaceful night's sleep for the rest of my life.

and it's all your fault.

i see people i can't even think about without my heart hurting.

i wish i could just have one night without any sort of dreams but i suppose that's asking for too much.

after a while, you start getting haunted by your mind.

you start digging up memories that you had buried so far into your brain.

your mind becomes your worst enemy.

i can't even trust myself.

i thought i was supposed to be on my own side,

how does that happen?

every day is a new battle.

every night is a war.

i usually always lose both without fail.

i've yet to win a single battle.

i have the battle scars to prove it.

sleeping used to be my safe haven, 

and now the thought of sleep instills some sort of fear in me. 

i can't imagine being that vulnerable around another person again.

i've got to go through a checklist before i can even think about closing my eyes.

i used to wait until the day to take naps and get a little bit of sleep but i can't even seem to do that anymore.

staying awake until i crash seems to, yet again, be my only option.