Behind My Eyes.

written during coronacation.

as of late i believe that i'm running out of things to write about.

i think it has to do with the fact that i'm stuck in my house and i can't go out and experience things which leads to not having a topic to write about.

if i sit down and try to write about a memory they always skew towards you.

most of my favorite memories include you and then i can't seem to write about anything else and i know that sounds silly but it's the truth.

you were my source of happiness for so long and then you left and you took the sun with you and left me with nothing but darkness.

i could sit here and write about you and the sun and the darkness for hours and hours on end but i know that doing that will only lead me back to the place i was in after you left and i can't put myself through that again.

did you notice that even this piece got skewed towards you too?

i didn't even mean for it to happen but somehow you became the topic of this one.

how do you do that?

you sneak into the corners of my brain and then you make your way out unnoticed.

i've been left alone with my thoughts more often than not during this insane lockdown and i've been having so many good days.

you don't creep into my mind as often anymore and i think that's a miracle.

if this lockdown were to have happened anytime within the last year i know i would've been another statistic and not have made it out alive.

my mind would have eaten me up.

how can we live inside the confines of the same four walls for days on end?

humans need interaction.

we crave intimacy.

we need to be around other people and talking on the phone isn't any sort of fix for that.

i try to keep sane by planning adventures for when we get out of this but i fear that won't ever happen.

i've spent the last few days writing the things that come to mind as they appear and it's a fun way to write.

i feel it's a more intimate way of writing.

it lets you look into my mind and see how it works.

can you see the gears turning?

can you follow my train of thought?

have you figured me out?

i like to think that everything i've written has given people some insight into my mind and that maybe everyone who reads this might know me.

at least i'd hope that someone has figured something out.

i hope you come to think of me as a friend.

i like to think that we're friends.

after all, you have seen the deepest parts of my mind.

i think that has to count for something.

i hope this lockdown is treating you well.

stay safe.