Behind My Eyes.

happy birthday.

i realized tonight that your birthday is tomorrow.

shortly after realizing this, i sat down on my floor and started crying, i don't know what triggered that.

i'm debating if i should text you like i did last year, however, last year we were still in that odd limbo, we weren't really talking but i felt odd not saying it because you were such a staple in my life for so long it felt wrong to not wish you a happy birthday and that i hoped your year was a good one.

you deserved a good year.

it's odd to think about where we were this time last year versus this year.

i haven't spoken to you since my birthday.

you wished me a happy one and i said thanks and that was the end of it.

and for the next three hundred and sixty-five days you snuggled your way right back into my thoughts.

i went through my contacts and realized that i no longer have your number. 

all i have is your facebook and i don't even know if you use that.

god i feel so dumb for even considering that.

but even if we aren't friends anymore i feel like that will only drive the nail into the coffin.

it's been over a year and i know you're no longer in my life and i'm able to talk about you and discuss you and i know that you're not coming back but something as simple as wishing an old friend happy birthday just seems like something i have to do and it's so dumb because i know nothing will come from it and i don't owe you a single thing.

it's odd to think about how everything turned out with us.

a year apart and i feel like i've grown so much and learned so much and i hope you've changed too.

i hope this year is so good to you.

i hope this year is everything you never knew you needed.