Fuse

eighteen | pieces

S P E N C E R J A M E S O N

Much like the moon, we have to go through phases of emptiness to feel full again. Sometimes I find myself just sitting and thinking about my life and the fact that I'm so lonely in places I didn't even know existed inside me.

I always swore to myself that if a relationship ever began to get abusive, I would leave. I knew that once it started it probably wouldn't stop. So I always said to myself I'd leave before it got to the point. When I first met Marshall I thought he was the most amazing person in the world, he was good looking, charming, had a nice family, he was just everything that I was looking for.

I never thought in my wildest dreams that he would turn out the way he is now. He was always so caring and compassionate. I thought he had a heart of gold but now I've realised it's a heart of stone instead. That's if even has one at all.

When we first started dating I was so happy — he made me that way. There was just something about him, something that just drew me in and I just couldn't seem to stay away from him. There wasn't anything about him that made me feel unsafe or scared. In fact it was more the opposite.

I guess once things start getting really bad I knew that there was no way I could leave, there was just no escape for me. I'd never be able to run from him, he'd find me no matter where I went.

My phone vibrating on the oak surface snaps me from my thoughts and I reach over to the nightstand to pick it up.

Marshall: hey babe, I'm almost home. The trip didn't last as long as I thought it would. See you soon xx

I gasp, my heart pounding in my chest as my eyes widen while I sit staring at the screen. He's almost home? What the hell am I supposed to do? I need to go, I need to get back before he does.

I jump off the bed and I grab all my stuff, throwing it into my bag as quickly as possible. Once I've got all my things I leave the room and run down the stairs as fast as I can when I bump into Kane who looks down at me with concern. "What's wrong, is everything okay?"

I nod quickly as I glanced around a large open space. His eyes fall from my face into the large bag in my hand as his brows furrow together in confusion. "I, um, is there any chance that I can go home? Like right now?" I ask, my voice shaky as I shift nervously on my feet.

He tilts his head as though he is still confused but nods anyway. "Yeah sure I'll go and get my car now, come." I sigh with relief and follow him as we walk towards the elevator. "Did something happen?"

"No, but Marshall is coming home so I should probably get back." I reply and catch his expression fall from the corner of my eye. I don't want to leave anymore than he probably wants me to but I have to, I have no choice.

We get into his car and he wastes no time in pulling away. The whole journey back to my apartment, my legs just won't stop shaking. I'm literally pleading in my head that the traffic will hurry up and move and that we won't get stuck to any lights so that I can get home quicker. I need to be home before he is.

Thankfully we arrive not that long after and I place my hand on the door handle to open it when cane stops me. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, thank you so much for allowing me to stay, I really appreciate it. I still wish you would let me do something more than just make you a cake" I reply and his face morphs into a smile.

"You don't need to do anything, I loved having you there."

My heart feels as though it's literally sinking into my chest. He loved having me there?

I feel a blush creeping up to my cheeks but I try to hold it back as best as I can. "I really should go, but thank you again, I had fun."

Reluctantly I get out of the car before he has the chance to reply and close the door, not turning around again because I just can't. I speed walk through the foyer, practically running towards the elevator as I take it up to our floor. I hope that his men really did put everything back to how it was before. Marshall will know if even a single thing is out of place.

I fumble with the keys as I try putting them into the lock before eventually managing to turn them and pushing the door open. My breath feels as though it's caught in the back of my throat and I struggle to catch any air when I see him. I was too late.

"Where were you?" He asks, an uneasy tone to his voice.

I stutter, my hands shaking against the bag in my hands. "I, I was staying w-with Harlow."

His jaw looks as though it's clenching and I notice his fingers squeezing into the sides of the chair he's sat in. Oh no. "I'm going to give you one more chance to tell me where you were, and if you lie to me again I'm going to be really fucking angry."

I press myself up against the door as my whole body feels as though it's froze to the spot. "I don't know what you mean." I stupidly reply and in an instant he's up out of his seat and pacing over to me.

His hand wraps itself around my throat as he shoves me against the door. "Tell me Spencer." He warns, his face dangerously close to mine.

I can't tell him where I was. He'd kill me if he found out I was staying at another man's house. I can feel his fingers digging in to my skin and I close my eyes, holding in a breath as I try to brace myself for whatever he's going to do. I really wasn't prepared for this at all.

"I was with Harlow I swear." I gasp out, panting as I feel as though I can't breathe from the force of his fingers against my throat. I know that if he asks Harlow she will tell him that I was there even though I wasn't, I can trust her.

He looks down at me, his eyes filled with complete and utter fury. This man honestly petrifies me. He's worse than any monster I dreamt about as child. He's worse than any of the monsters you watch in a horror movie. It's like he's every single one of my nightmares thrown into one.

"You disgust me, you fucking make me feel sick" he spits into my face as he throws me from the door with so much force that I fall  straight onto the floor.  I whimper from the impact and close my eyes as I hear his footsteps getting further away, indicating that he's gone into another room.

It's getting harder and harder to breathe and function with every passing day. I'm falling apart every time I'm alone. I'm just living a lie and that lie is eating me alive slowly but surely. I can actually feel it happening to me. I just don't want this anymore. I don't want the fake smiles, the scars, the pain, the emptiness and feeling of just being so helpless. The truth is, I just don't want to be here anymore. I can't do it, not if this is what my life really is.

My parents always told me to follow my heart — but mines in a million pieces, so which piece am I supposed to follow?

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Oh man.. I fucking hate Marshall..

See you in the next update <3

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