Fuse

twenty - nine | safe

S P E N C E R J A M E S O N

I can't believe I let it get to this point.

Why did I let it get this bad? I could have died. Marshall had such evil in his eyes, it was terrifying. I honestly didn't think I was going to make it out of that attack.

Harlow hasn't left my side since she arrived. I don't actually know what I'd do without her. She's the most amazing friend and I know she feels guilty for not noticing anything before, but I don't want her to feel that way.

It isn't her fault. It isn't anyone's fault but my own. I'm the one who hid it, I'm the one who pretended that everything was okay when it obviously wasn't.

I hate this. I don't want her to feel the way that she does. She has to know that none of this is because of her. She isn't to blame.

Marshall is. He's the one who did this to me. He's the one who made me feel this way, who scared me, who hurt me.

Shifting in the bed to try to get comfortable somehow, I push myself up slightly, wincing at the pain in my ribs as I do so. Harlow almost jumps, reaching out for me with concern clear on her face.

"Are you okay? What can I do?" She asks worriedly and I shake my head, offering a small smile as I try to assure her that I'm fine.

"I'm okay. Just a little uncomfortable." I tell her and she she frowns, glancing down at her phone in her hand and tapping the screen several times.

It's been almost two hours since Kane and Asher left to get something to eat. Neither of them have returned yet.

The last thing I want is for them to do something stupid. Something they'll regret. This isn't down to Kane to sort out. It's my problem. I don't want him getting hurt because of me.

He stayed outside while the nurses and doctors conducted the examinations on me. I hated every second of it but I knew that I had to just persevere and get it done.

I knew what the results would come back as but I also know that if I stood any chance of getting him out behind bars for this, they would need some form of physical evidence.

I didn't want Kane to see me that way. It was clear to see that he didn't want to be away from me and would've been here the whole time, holding my hand, but I didn't want that. I couldn't let him get a visual of me looking the way I did.

What if he would hate me for it? What if he would feel disgusted? I couldn't face it. I couldn't lose him too.

The examinations weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be though. Uncomfortable, but nothing compared to what I've already had to endure.

Luckily everything came back clear. My STD tests, blood tests, and I had to give a urine sample for testing which was also fine. I have no broken bones or fractures, just obvious bruising and swelling.

I needed a few stitches in the back of my head and they stung a little but Kane held onto my hands the whole time and constantly comforted me, telling me that it was going to be okay.

I still can't believe they all found out this way. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I couldn't even tell them. They must think I'm a coward.

I'm weak, powerless, broken, used. How am I ever supposed to face the world again?

The police came and asked me a few questions about what happened. I told them as much as I could until I broke down, again. I'm tired of crying. I miss being happy.