Fuse

twenty - four | magical

S P E N C E R   J A M E S O N

The little voice inside my head is screaming at me, telling me that this is completely wrong. I know it is but for some reason, I don't want to listen to it. 

I know we shouldn't be doing this. I'm going to be just as bad as Marshall, and even thinking about being compared to him makes me want to be physically sick.

But it isn't a lie, is it?

Doing this, going through with whatever situation I've just allowed myself to start, I've turned into the one thing I vowed never to become.

Like him.

But there's this other part of me, a piece of me that is pushing me to do this. To be here with Kane. Someone who is good — in life, to his friends and family, and to me.

There has to be a point in my life where something's got to give. Otherwise what's the point? I've been holding on for so long, clinging to the hope that something or someone would come into my life and save me from the darkness I've been swallowed into. 

Everything in me is telling me that that someone is Kane. He is everything my darkness has longed for. The light I have craved for so long.

He's gentle, kind, caring, funny, protective. There isn't a single thing about him that scares me away or puts me on edge. I can't compare him to Marshall because he is nothing like him. He is everything that Marshall is not.

I know the right thing to do would be to leave Marshall and only pursue things with Kane while not in a relationship with someone else, but I'm scared. I'm so fucking scared and I know there is no way out for me.

"Is that what you want?" Kane asks, immediately ridding me from my thoughts. My eyes flick to his, but I don't respond, too caught up in my own emotions and rapidly growing thoughts.

I was wrong. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have asked him to kiss me.

But I want him to. So badly. I want to be close to him, to feel protected by him, to laugh with him, to smile because of him.

"Spencer," he murmurs when I still don't respond to him.

My lips part as we continue staring into each other's eyes, our close proximity causing my chest to tighten and my palms to become increasingly clammy.

He rests his hands on the edge of the work top either side of me, his muscular arms appearing even larger as he leans closer to me.

"Yes," the words come out more like a whisper before I can even stop them.

His eyes watch me carefully, his large muscular chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. He dips his head down the slightest amount so that we're almost eye level and his lips part. "The only thing is, if I kiss you, I don't think I'll be able to stop."

My breathing hitches and my lips press together as his cheeks lift into a smile that makes my heart jump in my chest.

Every single part of my skin feels as though it's on fire. Red hot fire burning through my veins from my head straight down to the tips of my toes. My cheeks tingle, heat pooling in them, and I just know they're bright red now.