The Last Neon (COMPLETED)

Chapter Thirteen

Hindi ko pa rin makalimutan ang gabing iyon. He called out her name, it means that he was still thinking of her... hindi ko naman siya masisisi... They were married, they had a life together, he loved her so much and his world revolved around her for a long time... he even built his dreams for her.. 

Wala talaga akong panama... 

At wala rin akong magagawa kahit nasasaktan ako. Ginusto ko ito, hindi ko siya pwedeng sisisihin. Bago pa man ako nahulog sa kanya alam ko na ang sitwasyon. Alam ko na ang kalagayan ng puso niya... at kung masaktan man ako... kasalanan ko iyon.. Minahal ko kasi siya sa kabila ng katotohanan na mahihirapan siya na suklian iyon... 

Hindi ko lang talaga mapigilan ang masaktan... 

Sa tuwina ay nagsusumiksik sa isipan ko ang salitang HABAMBUHAY na binitiwan ni Trey... kaya ko kayang tumbasan ang HABAMBUHAY niya? O malulunod na lang ako sa sakit at lungkot dahil naghihintay ako sa wala?

Kahit na yata ibigay ko sa kanya ng buong-buo ang puso ko, hindi ko matutumbasan si Angelika... 

"Jenny, ikaw si Jenny diba?" napatingin ako sa nagsalita. I saw Ms. Ian, standing infront of me, holding a pack of chuckie. She smiled. "Paupo ha?" tumango ako. Pasimpleng tiningnan ko siya... Pare-parehas sila nila Miss Rika, wala rin siyang pimples saka blackheads... 

"Break ninyo po?" I asked her. Nasa cafeteria ako noon, hinihintay ko si Trey, may rehearsals kasi sila para sa concert.. 

"Hindi, tumakas lang ako. Nakakainip rin kasi. Okay ka na ba? Natakot rin ako noong nawalan ka ng malay ah..." napangiti ako. 

"Wala naman ho akong sakit noon, nag-O.A. lang si Sir Trey..." napatitig ako sa kanya... sabi sa akin ni Shasha dati, Neon din si Miss Ian... tulad ni Trey, drummer din siya... pareho sila ni Sir Robi....

Ian, Robi?

Bigla kong naalala iyong stick figures sa bus... Iyong stick figures ni Super Ian at ni Robin Hood.. 

"Pwede ho bang magtanong?" she smiled. "Ikaw ho ba iyong Super Ian ni Robin Hood?" Ms. Ian stared at me, then she laughed. 

"Naiinip ako, Jenny, you wanna play Tell me something I don't know?" napangiwi ako. Ang sosyal naman ng laro niya. Magpapalipas oras na lang kami, kailangan nag-e-english pa... tumango na lang ako. 

"I'll tell you something about me that you don't know tapos ganoon ka rin, kapag alam ko na iyong sinabi mo, pipitikin kita sa ilong, gets?" 

"Eh paano kapag alam ko na ho iyong sinabi ninyo? Pipitikin ko rin kayo?" 

"Oo... ready?" may golay, pitikan pala ito.. kaya ko bang pitikin ang ilong niya? Baka kapag ginawa ko iyon, suntukin ako isa-isa ng Neon, bumulagta na lang ako bigla.. 

As far as I know, si Ms. Ian ang baby ng Neon.. she's the only girl, the first ever manager and groupie... tapos ngayon pipitikin ko na lang siya? Di kaya ipa-salvage nila ako?

"Game... you first..." she pointed at me.. 

"Ahh.. I'm a Filipino teacher?" she smiled. 

"Really? Then why are you babysitting Trey?" nagtatakang tanong niya.

"Your turn naman po, mamaya ko sasabihin kung bakit..." napatango siya. 

"You're learning fast..." she sighed. "Don't laugh okay? But...." halatang pinipigilan niya ang kanyang pagtawa. "I had a crush on Trey... but that was before...ngayon wala na..." napatango ako. Sino ba namang hindi magka-crush sa ugok na iyon eh ang gandang lalaki noon! Kung ako nga nahulog sa kanya, si Ms. Ian pa kaya?

"Ako na..." sabi ko.. sasabihin ko ba kung bakit napunta ako dito sa trabahong ito? "I lost my teaching job dahil duon sa maniac na principal sa school na pinatuturuan ko dati. I met Miss Rika at a mall three months later and she offered me this job, and the rest... history na..." 

"Ahh.. my turn..." hindi agad siya akapagsalita, tila nag-iisip ng malalim, then she turned to me again... "I'm in love with Robi, and before I left for Europe..." bahagyang lumapit siya sa akin... "We kind of..." she whispered in my ear.. "You know..." 

My cheeks turned red, my eyes widened. I looked at her. 

"Ibig sabihin ikaw nga iyong Super Ian ni Sir Robi?" natawa siya sa sinabi ko. 

"Huwag mo silang tawaging sir, nagmumukha silang kagalang-galang eh..." saglit muna siyang tumawa bago muling tumingin sa akin. "Ikaw na...." 

Anong sasabihin ko? Kailangan ko bang tumbasan ang sinabi niya? What should I tell her? 

Bigla ay naaalala ko na naman ang stick figures nila ni Sir Robi doon sa bus na nasakyan ko noong isang araw... I wanted to ask her why did wrote that... ang alam ko kasi magulo pa ang sitwasyon nila... 

They love each other, bakit hindi sila magkasama? It was obvious, Ms. Ian is still very much in love with Sir Robi, and I'm sure that the feeling is mutual, pero bakit hindi sila magkasama? That bothers me, dahil naiingit ako sa kanila.. 

Alam nilang mahal nila ang isa't-isa... 

Mahal siya ni Sir Robi... 

Ako mahal ko si Trey... 

Pero hindi ko naman alam kung anong nararamdaman niya para sa akin. 

He asked me to wait for him, but was that enough?

"Mahal ko ho si Trey..." nag-iwas ako ng tingin. "I never planned on falling in love with him, but I ended up that way.." I took a deep breath."And I never planned on telling him how I feel, alam ko kasi kapag nangyari iyon, magbabago ang lahat.. pero nasabi ko na..." nakakatawa.. I cannot believe that I'm going to say this... "And the same night..." I looked at her... "We kinda, you know..." I shook my head. "Lahat iyon hindi ko pinlano..."

I don't know why I'm telling her this, eh ngayon ko lang talaga siya nakausap. Ni hindi ko masabi iyon kay Shasha at kay Bling, pero nailabas ko sa kanya. 

"We can never plan that thing, Jenny. Puso ang nagdedesisyon, hindi tayo. I never planned on giving up on Robi, yet I ended up that way, now I'm misarable, because he's too close at sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, all I could think about was how much i want to just grab him and kiss him..." she tapped my shoulder... 

"Ang hirap po palang maghintay..." mahinang sabi ko. 

"Been there... and yes, it's hard.. but what's harder is giving up..." hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. "Don't give up on Trey, Jenny..." 

Bakit pati siya ganoon ang sinasabi? Pareho kami, gabi-gabi, sinasabi ko iyon sa sarili ko. 

"Feeling ko ho kasi, rebound girl ako..." mahinang sabi ko. 

"I don't know anything about that, but if you want, ask Irish..." kumunot ang noo ko. 

"Rebound ho ni Sir James si Miss Irish?" natawa na naman si Ms. Ian.. 

"Nope.. its a long story... but you have to promise me one thing... don't ever get tired of waiting for Trey, he's a nice guy, and somehow, I feel like wherever Angel is right now, she's happy cause you're making him happy..." 

____________

I like her... Yes I do...

"Ngumingiti na si Santiago!" nagulat ako ng biglang sumigaw si Anton. 

"Nasaan? Patingin?!!" Ali put his hand on my shoulder na face me. "Aw, wala naman, dude. Nawala... dapat hindi mo muna in-annouce..." napapailing na bumalik siya sa likod, I don't know what he was doing there with Zach, maybe they were arranging some songs... or maybe he was doodling Rapah's name again... or whatever.. 

"Promise, he smiled! I saw it with my own two eyes!" 

"Magsitahimik nga kayo, ang ingay ninyo. Baka marinig tayo ng buntis..." napapailing na ibinaba ko ang gitarang hawak ko. Pasimpleng tiningnan ko si Jenny, she was sitting outside, waiting for me again. Kanina pa siya roon, at kanina ko pa rin siya pinagmamasdan... 

Iniisip ko kasi kung bakit hindi ko siya magawang itaboy. I knew I have to do that. Pero hindi ko magawa... When she told me she loved me, I got scared... biglang nag-on ang warning sirens sa isipan ko. Jenny shouldn't love me. Wala naman kasi akong maibibigay sa kanya. 

That night I knew that I had to let her go, but just the thought of not being able to see her ever again, scares the hell out of me..

Mula nang makilala ko siya, marami na akong kinatakutan... 

I'm scared that I might break her, I'm scared that I might lose her, I'm scared that I might be hurting her. Pero kasabay noon, kinatatakutan ko rin ang nararamdaman kong ito para sa kanya... 

I like her... 

Nandoon na ako. Hindi na ako pwedeng bumalik, kung gagawin ko kasi iyon, lolokohin ko lang ang sarili ko. I like having her around, pinupunan niya kasi ang kawalan sa buhay ko... 

Pero hanggang doon lang iyon... Hindi pwedeng lumabis pa roon... 

I can't fall in love with her... 

If I do that, I'll break my promise... 

If I fall for Jenny, baka makalimutan ko si Angel... 

Ayokong makalimutan si Angelika. 

Ayokong mawala siya sa buhay ko. Ayokong mawala siya sa sistema ko. 

Minsan kapag kasama ko si Jenny, nakakalimutan ko na ang tanging rason kung bakit ako humihinga ngayion ay dahil hinihintay ko ang araw na magkikita kaming muli... 

I'm waiting... for Angel... to comeback... 

Even if that's too impossible... 

I'm waiting for Angel... 

But I know that she's not coming back... 

"Kanina nakangiti, ngayon gloomy na naman..." narinig kong bulong ni Anton.. 

"Shut up, dude.." I took one glimpse of Jenny again. She's still sitting outside, boredom was written all over her face... 

"Di kaya matunaw iyan? Kapag natunaw iyan, lagot ka kay Kokey, Trey." Natatawang pahayag ni Anton. What the hell were they talking about. I looked at them. 

"Who the hell is Kokey?" I asked feeling a bit irritated. 

"Ian said, The mowhawk guy thinks Jenny is a great girl.." Robi said in a matter of fact tone... 

"Oh, now you in good terms with Ian again?" James said sarcastically. 

"Dude, I'm in love with Ian. You're already married. You married Irish. She loves you. So why are you still acting like you're the jealous best friend?" 

"I'm not jealous. I love my wife. I was just trying to protect Ian-yan..." 

"Tsk! Magpapatayan na naman ba kayo? Robi, that was just James' way of telling you that he's happy for you..." Anton meddled. Kunot na kunot pa rin ang noo ko. 

"What about the mowhawk guy?" I asked again. 

"He thinks Jenny is a great girl..." pasimpleng sinilip rin ni Anton si Jenny. "And he's right, Jenny is one of a kind. Any man would have been lucky to have her." 

What the hell does that mean.
"Ano?" hindi ko pa rin talaga maintindihan. Anong kinalaman ni Jenny sa taong mowhawk? Was that guy courting her? "Nililigawan ba ni Antonio Kermez si Jenny?"

"Dude, tinanong na kita noon, at tatanungin ulit kita ngayon," binalingan ko si Jaime. "Are you in love with Jenny?" 

Silence filled the room. It was as if everyone was waiting for my answer. They were all anxiously looking at me

Thank you!

I looked at James. He shrugged. 

"Let me rephrase that. Are you falling for her?" 

Why do they have to ask me that? Now I have to face that question I've bee avoiding all this time.. 

Am I falling for Jenny? 

I have this feelings for her.. hindi ko iyon itatangi... she's special to me.. lalo na ngayon na alam kong mahal niya ako, but even before that, espesyal na siya sa akin... 

I looked at Jaime.

"I'm not." 

I'm not falling for Jenny. But why did my heart ache when I said no?