Vivid Imagination

Daydream vs Fantasy

Creating, designing, building, rearranging are just a few of the activities that I naturally gravitate to that makes me who I am. Playing with other children my age was always a challenge because I never really fit in with what they considered fun. I wasn't going to play any kind of contact sport and get dirty, yet I didn't want a baby doll and talk to it like it was hungry and needed it's mommy. I wanted real, everyday adult interaction; although I was not an adult.
When recess time at school happened everyone paired off into their groups that shared similar interests so they could go off and have fun doing what they do. One day a girl in my class yelled over to me as she was standing with a group of other girls and asked me if I wanted to play with them. Since I wasn't doing anything in particular I cheerfully accepted. She quickly explained that they were going to play house and they needed a dad and I was the only boy around.
That day led to the next day doing the same and so on for months to come. I might have played the "dad" but I had a whole different outlook on my character and eventually I just morphed into a more female character yet I was the dominate one. Playing  make believe, we automatically fill in the blanks with all the answers we want from reality. I instinctively felt more comfortable playing a female spirited character. I could relate and understand myself better than in my own awkward self.
Everyday, I would carry the group in the story lines we would play. This was no typical baby doll and carriage playtime. We were adventurous and had to solve problems and work through conflict. I just took off with this improvisational skill I had. I wasn't impressed because it was something I just did, it came as natural as if it were reality day to day living.  I was never so happy when we got to recess, I loved every minute of it and enjoyed being around like minded people who got pleasure from it as well.
One afternoon when recess was over we felt sad because we were right in the middle of a good story, I suggested that we all go back to class as our characters and there was no reason it had to stop now. They all looked shocked but what they didn't know was I had started doing that since day one. Even after school, I would spend time in my character going over what the plan was next for all of us. It felt good because I was using my creative mind and people were looking up to me and depending on me to carry on our fun adventures.
Of coarse the day came when the spark went out with the girls and I hated endings and closures. I will never forget that day as I went outside for recess to our normal spot and no one was there. I looked around and I saw them over by the soccer goals across the field. As I approached I confidently said to them that I was proud of them for a change up on the scenery. Nobody looked at me or even said anything, in fact two of the girls just walked the other direction. I couldn't talk because I knew right then. One of the girls was nice enough to say that she was sorry but they didn't want to play anymore because I was so bossy and I didn't care what they wanted.
This was a shot to the heart because to me this was not just playtime, I invested emotion, passion and time just like it was real life. I felt like I had been dumped and abandoned by all of them. To my surprise they didn't act any different towards me after that and I couldn't understand why. I found it very difficult to have as much fun at recess after that and it was not easy finding other kids who liked to creatively play like I did. What I didn't know was, they were out there.
I just couldn't understand why the other girls did not get attached to their characters and how they could just move past all memories and stuff we went through. I was so disappointed, but then I started to think to myself that it wasn't real to them. Was there something wrong with them or me?
  A lot of my daydreams turned into fantasy. My recess make believe was fantasy but I would daydream about it to think up what would happen next so I was always trying to get ahead of the game in everything. Dreams of any kind were the foundation of what I held my hope and drive for life in. They were all so vivid and I would wake up emotionally charged that I knew it couldn't end there. So I made a conscious decision that I would carry it on by daydreaming it back to existence and then creating it even further to a fantasy.