Vivid Imagination

Going where it leads

     As I got older in my life, of course I got busier and had more responsibilities. Early in high school I found myself getting the courage to join the theatre group and before I knew it I had a part on stage for the Christmas production. Of course still incorporating everything between worlds because my reality world was just not good enough for me. Getting a part in the play 'The Christmas Carol,' I auditioned for the dad in the play 'Bob Kratchit' and I thought I did really well, as I should have been floored that I even took the energy to be part of something that requires commitment. I did not get the part but I did land a very important role, though I was crushed and just couldn't understand why. Then the casting director made the announcement that every year they have done this play, they always cast the part of "Tiny Tim" to a girl because the character is small and delicate as she put it. I immediately knew where this was going, I sank in my seat as she carried out her announcement.
"This year we have the perfect person to fill the shoes of this role, I knew he was going to be perfect..... Jonathan!"
I just died at that moment as nobody in the class agreed but no one opposed, still don't know if that was a good thing. Everyone just looked at me. I think to see what my reaction was going to be because nobody knew what to say except "God bless us everyone!"
      Even though my part was little I was required to be at all rehearsals. It just so happened to be one of those where my presence was required throughout most of the play but not required to do much. This meant a lot of sitting around and helping out when I can. A couple months went by and it was almost time for opening night. I had been so busy I often wondered how anybody could take on anymore extra events after school. I had that afternoon to myself and off from everything, this was usually the time where I would get triggered to jump into my other life. As I sat there for a minute thinking about what to do, this strange feeling as though I was being left with a stranger came over me. It was like I had know idea what to say or do with myself. Then I realized quickly that over the past couple months, I had gotten to know ME by doing something I was enjoying, giving me purpose, and being with other like-minded kids my age. I was so busy doing a healthy activity that I did not have time or feel the need to escape to my fantasy world. Now honestly it is not like I did not think about it daily, but I didn't write a script or story line now for several months. I remember in theatre, I would think a couple times that I was just at rehearsal for our taping of the Mickey Mouse Club. Being on stage in reality gave me that same thrill as I was seeking in my fantasy.     
      The opening night was a hit, we did three shows in the evening and three during the day. It was so much work but it was well worth it. The next couple days I spent resting, I found myself a little unsettled. I hated closure, I never wanted anything to end because everything I loved I held on to so tightly and never let go. I would guess that I felt like I needed to replace that void with something else very quickly. Well it was going to be a good 9 months before our next play ... how boring. So right back to the Mickey Mouse Club is where all my time and focus went once again. I needed to know that something exciting is going on, that I was the center of all amazing and success.
       If I could do this all over, and know then what I do now, I'm not sure if I would change a thing except manage my time better and recognize the power and value I have within me. At the time it did not seem like it was what I wanted but in real life we have to start somewhere. I had the courage to get up and audition to get a part which was not the biggest but one of the most important ones;  the whole reason behind the play. Looking back now this is so clear that it was a manifestation to begin attracting my desires in my life because of the energy I was putting out.
       Time management is still a subject that I struggle with. It has been my downfall in so many areas causing the domino effect for other areas to follow. I learned from being "Tiny Tim" that I can get pleasure that I'm seeking in the real world from hard work and dedication. That requires time and discipline on my part. When we keep ourselves busy not only do we not have time to do certain things we probably shouldn't be doing, but it gives us purpose, self worth, and makes us feel all the things I was searching for in my fantasy world. This was the first time in my life I felt proud of ME. I knew this was a good thing and that success in my reality world was possible. However, it didn't stop there; I wasn't cured. What I didn't know is that this requires work everyday on my part, it's a continual uphill battle.